Don't Forget Me
by Theyumenoinu
Summary: Mostly TOS. SpockPrime's POV. When Kirk disappeared into the Nexus, Spock felt empty. After failing his mission with Romulus he finds himself in a corrupted timeline. Is there a way to fix it and what other time lapse did he cause in the process? Could this be real? SpockPrime, Kirk, Spock & unexpected character. Slow at first slash. Angst warning.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Please note that I will update every few days. Thank you and please review. Also, please note that I did make changes to the scenes from the movie.**

**WARNING: Copious amounts of Angst.**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Star Trek franchise or its characters.**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

"_Spock." McCoy's voice trembled slightly. "Spock. It's Jim. He's—"His voice cut off, blinking back tears. Struggling to swallow his emotion down, he continued, "He's gone, Spock."_

_Spock stared at the viewing screen. Outwardly, his body stood still, unflinching. On the inside, he felt a knife rip through his chest. His breath caught in his throat. A wave of sadness slammed into him as he pictured Jim's face, that warm smirk, his soft voice saying his name. The last words that Jim spoke to him before he left to help see off the new Enterprise echoed in his mind, _"I know you've been busy, but I miss you. Promise you'll come to see me when I get back?" _Spock remembered as Jim shook his head slightly, smiling as he looked down in a slight sense of hopelessness. His honey eyes darting back up to look at him, _"I know I usually don't say this but,"_ he trailed off, eyes wandering off in deep thought before he continued, _"I just want to say, I love you. Please don't forget me."

"_Spock?" His name forced back the sudden memory, reality materializing before him. McCoy's blue eyes filled with pain, concerned as he stared back at him. "Say something." When Spock did not respond his eyes flooded with anger. "Say something, dammit! You have to feel something, don't you feel anything? And don't give me 'I'm a Vulcan' because we both know that's bull!" He nearly shouted, a faint red tinting his face, eyes growing wet. _

"_Doctor," Spock began, a small strain to his voice, "I apologize that my reaction is not satisfactory enough for you, but it is a logical one, my emotions will not bring him back from the dead." He looked away from those blue eyes, the judgment he saw within them clenched his stomach. He had known Jim was gone, he had felt it, but something nagged at him. Tugging annoyingly at the back of his mind, whispering that he wasn't completely gone, but it felt too illogical to acknowledge. _

_A frustrated huff echoed through the room._

"_I can't believe you, you cold heartless green-blooded hobgoblin! This is Jim! He loved you and don't you sit there and pretend you didn't love him either." McCoy snapped at him and it caused Spock to finally glance back to the screen._

"_Vulcan's do not 'pretend', doctor."_

"_Yeah, but humans do! Dammit Spock, maybe you didn't deserve him if this is how—" His voice trailed off as pain fleeted across Spock's face, his dark eyes began to dampen. McCoy's face softened, the anger fading from him, "Spock, I'm sorry, I didn't mean—"_

"_I believe you did, doctor. I'm afraid I must sign off, I have some preparations to attend to." The words came out icily._

_McCoy nodded slowly, glancing down in shame, "Of course, Spock. I'll leave you to it." He looked up and opened his mouth to say something else but quickly closed it. His voice filled with emotion as he spoke softly, "McCoy out."_

_The screen blackened._

_Spock stood there in the silence. A small tremble began working its way through his body. Jim's words flooding back again. _

"I miss you."

_The words echoed through the silence._

"I love you."

_He could see them—Jim's pained eyes, pleading Spock to speak those words back, those eyes longing for him._

"Don't forget me."

_No, he would never forget. His barriers began to crack, memories of Jim flipping through his mind at an intense rate. The moment he met him, all those moments of them sitting in their quarters together, playing chess in the rec room, the glances Jim gave him when he thought he wasn't looking, the day Jim confessed his feelings, the tender moments when they were alone, Jim's voice, Jim's smile, his scent, those eyes. Something snapped inside him._

_He was gone. He hadn't been there to protect him. He didn't say he loved him back and now it was too late. The barriers smashed and a strangled sob escaped him as he collapsed to his knees. Reaching inside a pocket from his coat, he shakily pulled out a picture, tracing his finger gingerly over Jim's smiling face. Droplets fell onto the glossy image, trailing down the edge before dripping off._

"_I love you." Spock whispered, another sob wracking his body. "T'hy'la, I love you."_

* * *

The memory slipped away as the image of a younger Jim transformed before him. Winded and confused, the man laid there waiting for a response of any kind, startling blue eyes staring up at him cautiously. Spock felt a jolt run through his body, from the deadened part of his mind, warmth seeped through. His heart fluttered for a brief moment as his mind processed the familiar face. A lump formed in his throat and he swallowed it down, fighting the tears that began to blur his vision.

"You are James T. Kirk." Voice cracking slightly at the end. "How did you find me?" The thought that possibly Jim knew he was in trouble and sought him out as usual comforted him for a moment.

"What?" The man breathed questionably before stumbling to his feet. "Who are you?" His voice lined heavily with distrust.

The warmth Spock felt slipped away slightly. This Jim did not recognize him, he was different. Although, the confusion on his face mirrored his Jim's confused face perfectly, he was still Jim, but not _his _Jim. A small pang rang out in his chest, was this how he had felt when Spock was revived and didn't recognize him on Mount Seleya? He remembered Jim's pleading eyes, the pain so fierce it had confused him on why this man was hurt so badly and when Spock remembered his name, the happiness that radiated off of him was so intense it nearly took his breath away.

Spock pushed the thought away. An idea flickered through his mind, a glimmer of hope that maybe he could jolt a memory within this younger counterpart.

"I have now, and always shall be—" He fought the words for a moment. He wanted Jim to know that he was his, that he was his T'hy'la. That this Jim would not have to be alone and not spend as long not knowing how much he was loved like _his _Jim had. But he knew if he ended it with his usual "yours" it would draw suspicion, questions and could possibly scare him. This time stream he had entered should not be disrupted any further than it already had been, even if the pain he felt inside threatened to rip him apart. He finished with, "Your friend."

A soft laugh escaped Jim's lips, a small smile played upon his face as he glanced down away from him. A smile twitched at Spock's mouth as he recognized this familiar motion. He knew his T'hy'la well enough to know what the gesture meant. That he had said something preposterous.

"Listen, I don't understand how you know my name. I've never met you." Those blue eyes were filled with suspicion.

"I am Spock."

His eyes furrowed as he glanced him over.

"Bullshit, you're lying."

His eyebrow arched in curiosity, this Jim had a fire to him. But he took that as immaturity, when he had met his Jim they were older, more experienced. A small spark of hope erupted in his mind. Jim knew him. They had been acquainted somehow even though he was still very young. Maybe he did not mess up the time stream too much. Maybe this Jim and his other counterpart could form the same bond he and his Jim had. Maybe, somehow, he could see _his_ Jim again.

"A Vulcan cannot lie." The words came out flatly.

He huffed, shaking his head. "Is there somewhere we can sit, possibly warm? I'm freezing."

Spock to note to how Jim's body shook and gestured to his right, a fire blazing from the part of the cave he had been taking shelter in. Jim nodded slightly and quickly brushed passed him into the clearing, squatting and rubbing his hands together. Spock walked to a log and steadily sat down, placing the club that was still in his hand back into the pile of flaming wood in-between them.

The young man huffed air into his frozen fingers, staring intensely into the flames. Spock watched him, tracing his features with his eyes; the chiseled jaw that he once caressed, the blond hair that he remembered was so soft between his fingers, those soft lips he longed to kiss again. His body ached to reach out to him, to have him in his embrace, to hold him close and never let him go. To give him the love he deprived from _his _Jim for so long.

Jim must have sensed him staring, he darted his eyes up at him questionably.

"Is there something wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing is wrong. In fact, I am very pleased to see you, old friend, especially after the events of today."

A saddened expression crossed over the young face.

"Oh, I had almost forgotten about your planet. I'm sorry."

"Do not apologize, you are not at fault." He said softly. This sympathy from him felt so warm and familiar. Remembering the times that Jim had blamed himself for mistakes Spock had made. His heart felt heavy.

"You're different." Spock's eyebrow arched and Jim chuckled. "You're nothing like the Spock I know. He's not exactly as warm as you are and definitely not one for casual conversation."

"Indeed." Spock spoke with a slight hint of amusement in his voice. "Seeing as I have not met him, I can only assume you are correct."

A grin crept across his face. A glimpse of an older Jim grinning flashed before Spock but quickly faded.

"Well, he _is_ the reason why I'm here talking with you now. Marooned me on this planet for 'mutiny', if you can believe it?"

"Mutiny? You are not the captain?" Guilt exploded over his mind. When he served on the _Enterprise, _he never sought after captainship. He preferred to serve under Jim, and felt comfortable as second in command. In this universe, his younger counterpart seemed to be just the opposite, and somewhat ruthless. To cast out Jim in any way had never crossed his mind in his lifetime, and now because of his mistake their relationship seemed to be crumbling before him, and Jim's career was stolen.

Another exasperated huff rang out.

"No." He nearly laughed, "No, you are. Pike was taken—"

"By Nero?" Spock interjected.

Shock erupted over his face, eyes widening.

"What do you know about him?"

Spock dropped his eyes. How could he tell him about his mistake? How could he tell Jim that he was the reason why he may never be able to be with the person he was meant for, why he was here on Delta Vega and not in the captain's chair, how millions of lives were now gone forever, and what unknown other changes may have occurred in his T'hy'la's life. He glanced up to those blue eyes, so pure but coated with a deep pain that Spock could not place. What was the extent of damage he had done to this universe? Could he fix this?

_Jim, _he thought to himself, _what would you do? I need you._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_Burning, he was burning. The world seemed to haze as a rage overflowed his mind and seeped into his body. Every inch of muscle felt like it was being prodded with the tip of a sharp blade. His heart raced, the temperature rose into his face. It was happening again—_Pon Farr.

"_Spock!"_

_He recognized the voice and cringed away at the soft touch on his arm. Crossing his arms, he knelt to the floor, concentrating on the savage thoughts that were now in battle with his logical mind._

Take him! _His mind hissed. _I want him! Crush him, bite him, _fuck_ him!

"_No." He whispered through gritted teeth. Refusing to succumb to the urge in his body, smelling Jim's scent so close, how easy it would be to simply rush him and take what he needed. Humans were weak, it wouldn't take much effort. Spock could hear Jim's heart beating frantically; he heard a gasp before he glanced through blurred vision up at his face._

"_Spock, let go!"_

_He had grasped Jim's wrist tightly as his fingers twitched from lack of circulation. When had he grabbed him? His body refused to obey his thoughts, his hand having a mind of its own, keeping a firm grip despite Jim's efforts to pull away._

"_Spock!" There was a hint of fear in his voice._

_The beast inside him stirred, craved more. He felt his groin pulsate, growing stiffer with each painful gasp Jim made._

Take him, now! _Spock's control wavered. One moment he was kneeling on the floor, the next he found himself on top of Jim, pinning down his arms. His stomach clenched as he noticed the shirt ripped open, revealing bloody scratches and bite marks that traveled up to his neck. Two honey eyes stared up at him wide with horror._

"_Jim." He whispered, pushing himself off of him. Staring at his shaky hands, he tried to fight for control. He needed to meditate, to isolate this urge, desire. His T'hy'la would not die by his hands. Jim's solid arms slid around his shoulders from behind, his heart pounding against his back, shallow breaths at his ear and flinched as the beast roared to life again._

He is my bond-mate! He is _mine_! He must give me what I want! _His head screamed._

"_Spock, I'm here." He softly whispered in his ear._

"_Jim." It came out strained, "Leave me."_

_Those arms squeezed him tighter, burying his head in the gape of Spock's neck._

"_No, I won't."_

_The warm breath on his neck sent chills down his spine as he inhaled the sweet scent of his aftershave of lavender, spicy berries and sandalwood, such an odd but intoxicating combination. He could feel his erection pulsate again, body roaring with the need. A growl rumbled from his chest._

I _must _have him!

_His sight stained red. From a distance he could he painful screams, gasps. Spock could feel the soft, fragile skin beneath his fingers, tasting a decadent aroma within his mouth. Adrift in a sea of pure pleasure, all senses drowning from it. There were no thoughts, no emotions, just need. Nothing mattered but to satisfy it, to release it. The world did not exist; he was falling into an abyss, falling with no one to catch him, emptiness._

_Spock jolted awake panting. The red haze dissipated and the world returned to him. He was lying on soft carpeting, staring up at a familiar ceiling, naked. His heart pounding in his ears, he glanced around and deduced he was in Jim's apartment. He couldn't quite recall how he had arrived or what transpired earlier. Thoughts stirred in his mind, he remembered he was reaching _Pon Farr_, but he couldn't remember what had happened._

_A soft moan made him whip his head around to see the figure of Jim curled up on his side. Strands of clothing still clung to his body but the majority had been ripped away. Gashes were scattered and bleeding steadily, giant bruises forming on his torso and arms, his wrists were blue and purple from being squeezed so tightly, bite marks were visible and deep near his throat. A small tremble ran through his body. _

_Spock didn't hide the panic in his voice, "Jim!"_

_Gingerly, he grasped his face and caressed it softly, his heart dropping when Jim did not stir._

"_Jim?" _

What have I done?

_He was in a serious condition, Spock knew he had to act fast or his T'hy'la would die. Gracefully rising to his feet, he rushed over to Jim's communicator and called for the man he knew he could trust. It felt too long before an irritable voice answered._

"_Jim, it's four o'clock in the damn morning, this better be good." _

"_Doctor, we are in need of your assistance. Jim is injured."_

"_What?" McCoy breathed, "What's happened?"_

"Pon Farr_, doctor." He said flatly, he didn't need to explain further. McCoy knew what that entailed from his last experience where he thought he had killed Jim. Now, he felt certain that he might have succeeded._

"_Dammit! Why wasn't I called? He better be alive, Spock. So help me God, if you killed him, I will show you a hell you have only seen in your dreams! Where are you?"_

"_We are currently in his apartment." Spock didn't argue. He would gladly accept any form of punishment for what he has done. _

"_Don't move him. I'll be there as soon as I can."_

_Some inaudible curse words floated over the speaker before the transmission went dead. Spock glanced over at Jim, a tightening knot growing in his stomach. This was the reason he pushed him away, the reason he didn't want to return his love, to keep Jim safe. He knew Jim would never leave him under any circumstance. Spock had to leave him._

_Once McCoy arrived and eased his concern for Jim's life, Spock took one last glance at him before turning and leaving for Vulcan. Ignoring the calls from Jim was difficult, and deleting messages nearly tore him inside. But he busied himself as an Ambassador and hardly thought of him, until the last message. He didn't know what came over him to listen to it, but he found his finger hitting the play button before his mind could protest._

"_It's not your fault, Spock." Jim tried to stay strong, but his face gave his emotions away. "I don't hold any grudge or negative feelings about what happened. It was simply out of your control." _

No, _Spock thought_, I could have stopped it. I could have suppressed it until you were safe.

"_I hear you're an Ambassador now, congratulations." He gave a weak smile. "I've been invited to see off the new Enterprise, but it won't really be the Enterprise without you there. I know you turned down there invitation and I know I'm the reason why." His eyes dropped, Spock could see his jaw clench, fighting to keep himself in control. Jim's pain hit him like a thousand knives. He clenched his hands, digging fingernails into his skin until he felt warm liquid seep out._

"_I know you've been busy, but I miss you. Promise you'll come to see me when I get back?" Jim shook his head slightly, smiling as he looked down in a slight sense of hopelessness. His honey eyes darting back up to look at him, "I know I don't usually say this but," he trailed off, eyes wandering off in deep thought before he continued, "I just want to say, I love you."_

_Spock clenched his eyes shut, couldn't bear to see any more pain and longing on his face._

"_Please don't forget me."_

* * *

A flash of anger swept through those piercing blue eyes as the young Jim stood impatiently waiting for an answer. Feverishly pacing in the cave, muttering to himself, kicking snow with his boot before stopping at the far wall, "I can't just sit here and do nothing, Spock." He whirled around, "You have to tell me how you know about Nero, and why you're so old. What's going on?" He snapped, eyes bearing down on him.

"Jim." He whispered before gracefully standing. "It would be easier if I showed you." He said, lifting his hand to Jim's face as he approached.

Fear washed out the anger as he quickly diverted, just out of reach.

"What are you doing?" It wasn't quite a question or a demand. His eyes searched Spock's face tentatively, seeking out some sort of reassurance.

"Our minds. One and together." He said before silently reminding himself that he was beginning to slip important details. He could have said the "mind meld" but instead chose to encrypt the fact that this wasn't the first time he'd ever been in contact with Jim's mind, that they were in fact already connected. As his fingers laid neatly on the psi points of Jim's face without much need to search for them, he allowed himself a moment to embrace the feel of Jim's skin under his fingertips. His skin was chilled but he could feel the warmth creep up his arm and into his heart. A shadowed memory of the first time he had connected with such a beautiful mind played out before him. It was so bright, so deep, and the strength it held lured him in, made him crave for more.

Confusion was plain on Jim's face, but deep into those eyes, Spock could see a spark, trust. Before he could lose himself completely, he connected their minds. There was a quick flash of light, a whir of color, the buzz of the scattered thoughts of Jim. The brightness Spock had remembered of his Jim was now dimmed, but the strength was still intact, he could feel the walls guarding certain thoughts from him. But without Jim realizing, he allowed a window to open for a moment, but a moment was all that was needed for Spock to see the damage he had done.

Jim's childhood was full of anger, hatred, and fear. Images of an alcoholic step-father, Jim yearning to have known his biological father, his absentee mother began floating through their minds. Spock saw glimpses of his step-father's rage, beating him, screaming into his face. He saw his mother kissing him goodbye and felt Jim's heart tug at the memory. Flashes of fights that had no purpose except to rid him of uncontrollable anger fleeted passed them. Before Spock could see anymore, Jim slammed the window shut.

_I was so lonely._ Jim's voice whispered in Spock's mind. A pain shot out in the connection. Guilt began to eat away at Spock.

_I know Jim. You were in my lifetime as well. I am sorry. _He whispered, trying hard to not share those moments of pain he remembered from _his _Jim, knowing well enough he was the source of it.

Before the young mind could ask the question building up in his subconscious, Spock flooded his mind with the images of his mission. He explained hastily about his journey from the future, how he had failed, the guilt and sorrow he felt as he watched helplessly while his planet was destroyed. Before he could pull away from Jim's mind, he felt an image slip from his barrier. An image of his older Jim stroking the Vulcan's check gingerly as he confessed his love for him and the feeling of joy as Spock reciprocated the feeling before they shared in a passionate kiss.

Spock felt his loneliness and longing explode into Jim's mind and he ripped his mind away as quickly as he could before his barrier could crumble. The young Jim gasped for air as the connected disconnected. His eyes were filled with tears, trying desperately not to look at Spock as he stumbled away from him.

"Forgive me." Spock spoke hesitantly, watching his back as he continued to gasp for air, fighting through the emotions Spock had left dangling in his mind. "Emotional transfer has affected the mind meld."

"So, you do feel." Jim breathed.

Spock's heart quickened.

"Yes."

A silence fell between them. Spock didn't dare to move closer. He waited patiently for him to compose himself, to sort out his mind and come to terms with it. Then Jim whispered something that would have not been heard if not for Spock's advanced hearing.

"You loved me."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"_It's not your fault, Spock."_

"_I know you've been busy, but I miss you."_

"_You loved me."_

They stood in silence, the crackling of the fire echoing off the walls. Jim turned slowly to face him, blinking back the tears, his body visibly shaking. The effort to hold back from approaching Jim slipped away when a single tear ran down the young man's face. He felt his body move fluently as he closed the distance between them, reaching out and pulling him into a tight embrace. Spock felt Jim stiffen for a brief moment before relaxing into his arms, sliding his around the elderly Vulcan tenderly before a sob was wrenched from his body.

Spock held him as he cried. Even in this universe, Spock was still the only one Jim could loosen his controls with and allow him to see him vulnerable. A distant memory echoed through his mind.

"_I thought I was going to die." He said, reaching out for him._

"_Please Captain, not in front of the Klingons."_

He remembered Jim's eyes widened with shock, pain. His arms dropped from Spock as he glanced back at the ship, remembering he was aboard the _Bird-of-prey _and not the _Enterprise._ Sadness washed over his face before he sighed and nodded in silent agreement. Jim needed comfort, to hold onto Spock in reassurance that he was safe, that Spock was there. But Spock denied him that need.

"_I've always known that I would die alone."_

And James T. Kirk did die alone, taken before his time.

Spock felt Jim's hot breath on his neck, the trembling in his body had calmed. He could smell his aftershave lingering on him, still the same intoxicating scent that filled his senses, closing his eyes, taking it in. This is what Jim needed and Spock would hold on until Jim was ready to break the connection. He would give him the comfort that Jim should have received in his lifetime. It was only right.

Jim pulled away from him slowly, sniffling as he wiped feverishly at his eyes, attempting to hide his emotional display, ashamed.

"I'm sorry. I'm not usually like this." He smiled in embarrassment, dropping his eyes to his feet.

"You should not apologize for your feelings, Jim."

He looked up, his eyes were red and puffy from crying, but they shone brightly at such a close range it made Spock gasp quietly. Jim gave a half-hearted smile.

"Are you sure you're Spock?"

His eyebrow arched again at the young man.

"I was under the assumption we had already established my identity?" Confusion was heavy with his question.

Jim laughed. The happiness lifting away the remaining traces of pain on his face, it leaked into his eyes, the glistening blue intensified in its beauty. His smile radiated through Spock's body, an overwhelming surge of love overcame him and found his hand reaching out to caress his cheek. Jim abruptly stopped laughing, eyes wide as he stepped back from the tender touch. A red tinting his cheeks as he delicately traced the skin where Spock's fingers had been.

Spock whirled around from him and moved over to the mouth of the cave. His body was rigid as he turned back slightly, but kept his sight focused on the ground. He knew if he were to look up at him, he would lose the last bit of strength of his control to keep from crossing the boundary that was forbidden.

"We must go, Jim. We must return you to your ship."

"Wait." Jim's voice was soft, pleading.

Spock hesitated, keeping his back faced toward him.

"Where you're from, did I live a happy life?"

The silence filled into the gap between them again as Spock nodded.

"Yes. You were a successful Starship Captain, proud son of your honored father, and a dedicated friend."

"Captain?" He whispered.

"We must go, Jim." Spock walked from the cave without glancing back, only hearing the crunching of Jim's footsteps as he trailed clumsily behind him.

* * *

_He gripped the podium until he felt the metal begin to cave under his fingertips. He quickly removed them to clasp them behind his back. A slight breeze caressed his face, the sound of flags flapping off in the distance kept him solid in reality. A grey sky loomed overhead, so fitting for this occasion. Thousands of eyes were fixated on him, waiting breathlessly for him to speak._

"_James Tiberius Kirk, esteemed Captain of the U.S.S Enterprise, and Admiral of the United Federation of Planets was a devoted individual who sought out to achieve the impossible and strived to go beyond the call of duty." The words fell upon the crowd, it sounded scripted, rehearsed. He could feel the tension in the air at his emotionless words. _

_He scanned the crowd until he spotted a familiar face. McCoy watched him carefully, a hint of anger in his eyes. The words he had spoken to him only a few nights ago entered his head._

"You have to feel something, don't you feel anything?"

"He loved you and don't you sit there and pretend you didn't love him either."

_Spock's vision began to blur. He cleared his throat and looked away from the doctor. Emotion couldn't overtake him now, he had to be professional. _

"_He gallantly surrendered his life to save the men and women aboard the U.S.S Enterprise: NCC 1701-B as she underwent an unexpected rescue mission. He was known vastly for his bravery, valor, superior intellect, and his ability to command his crew safely and successfully through any crisis." A heaviness fell upon him as the vision of Jim perched in the captain's chair appeared before him, watching his hands stroke the arm rests gingerly, a glimmer of joy spreading in those honey eyes. _

_Spock's and McCoy's eyes once again connected, this time the doctor's face was streaked with tears. From the silence, he could almost hear the man's thoughts screaming at him._

What are you doing, you green-blooded idiot? You're not doing his memory justice by this cookie-cutter mandatory Federation speech bullshit! Is this how you want to remember him by? Do you?

_A lump formed in his throat. He knew his captain well. This would not be the way he would want this, to drone on about his accomplishments like he was only an extended body part of the Federation. That was not who he was, he played by his own rules, saved many lives with or without permission from Starfleet Command. _

"_As a Vulcan," Spock spoke firmly, "I'm merely thought as a life form absent of emotion. And normally, I would agree to such a fact. Although today, I must confess that I am not entirely empty or immune to the subject of 'feelings'. And to deny any emotion toward my Captain, my friend, would be an insult to his life and his memory." _

_Whispers filled the air for a moment, a few gasps of surprise drowned out by a sudden blast of wind. Once the wind and voices died down, he felt the need to continue. He understood speaking of feelings towards a deceased crew member was against regulation, but in the moment he no longer cared. _

"_Jim cared deeply for his crew and the Enterprise as though they were family. He never shied away from a challenge or abandoned those who were in need. His method for bending the rules was quite peculiar but it seems, as they say, that 'he marched to the beat of his own drum'."_

_McCoy's face lit up, his lips turning up into a smile. _

"_When my life was in peril, he worked tirelessly to rescue me, along with several other close comrades and friends he knew aboard. And I admit, when the position shifted, I could not dare abandon this man who gave all that he was for me. He was notorious for his charm with women, his easy-going composure, and his ability to as they say 'poke fun' at me on occasion."_

_His eyes fell on the rest of the crew, sitting clustered together, grins on their faces and tears in their eyes. This was Jim; this was how they knew their Captain. _

"_I loved him." _

_The whispers returned and this time he didn't wait for them to finish._

"_I am not 'ashamed' to have loved him. He was my friend, my bond-mate, and eventually my lover." Spock's voice caught, why had it taken Jim dying for him to openly admit it? This should have been done long before, should not have waited until it was too late. His voice struggled as he continued, "I'm thankful to have known Jim, and thankful to have given the opportunity to love him and work by his side. There will never be another man like him."_

_McCoy stood slowly, rising above the humming sound of the crowd. Nodding, he brought his hands together and began to clap. The rest of the crew took his cue and rose from their seats as well, joining him in his applause. Within seconds, hundreds of others stood, the roar of applause and whistles ringing out in the air. _

_A memory of Jim quoting one of his favorite lines from Shakespeare fleeted through his mind._

"Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the short chapter, but next chapter there will be a shock. The plot will be revealed in the next chapter, hurray! And that's all I'm going to say. Thank you for reading and please review! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The wind had picked up in the time they spent inside the cave. It blasted against them, blowing snow into their eyes. Spock fought against the wind with his body, finding his center of gravity easily. He heard Jim's ragged breathing over the howling wind and turned back to see him lose his footing and fall into the snow bank. Rushing over, he bent down and grabbed his arm, pulling him to all fours.

"Jim, are you all right?"

He was panting heavily, his lips had turned a pale purple.

"Yeah, I think so."

"The Starfleet post is not far from here, are you able to maneuver on your own?"

Jim nodded but looked uncertain. Spock helped pull him back to his feet, gripping his arm tightly until he recovered his balance. Concern pulsed through Spock as he watched him trudge through the snow, stumbling sideways every few steps from the gusts of wind. A trait this young counterpart and _his _Jim shared was the stubborn pride, to hardly ask for help or accept it. He knew the only way to help him was to follow at a leisurely pace behind him, preparing to catch him if he fell again.

Spock found that watching over young Jim was just as tiring as keeping _his_ Jim safe. He acted as though danger was far from reach, not giving much thought as to where he walked or when to step cautiously. Several times, Spock had to grab onto his elbow and yank him away from thin ice or creature holes and Jim would give an exasperated laugh and nod in thanks before clumsily heading off again.

Their pace slowed down until it was near painful. The cold seeped through Spock's jacket and began affecting his body. His once fluid movements stiffened, his breaths shortened and his heart slowed. At this rate, he knew he would not make it to the post in time, but Jim was becoming fatigued and he knew he couldn't push him any faster.

"Jim, we must reach the post before nightfall." He said, hoping it would give Jim the motivation to tap into his energy resources to push on.

"H-how much further?" his voice cracked. He stopped for a moment to catch his breath, his skin was tinting a slight blue and his lips darkened in color. His eyelids drooped as he fought to stay awake.

"Just down the hill." He said, pointing to a small building in the distance. "I estimate at this pace, we will reach the post in two-point-seven hours."

Jim let out a frustrated huff.

"What I wouldn't give for a pair of skis."

He took a shaky step before his knees gave way and he would have fallen if not for Spock who caught his arm, keeping him standing.

"I-I don't think I can go any further."

"You must, you cannot stay here. You will freeze."

"I'm aware, Spock." He breathed.

His voice was weak and slurred, he was hyperventilating and his body shook violently. Spock quickly recognized the beginning of hypothermia. His own body was extremely intolerant to the cold but Jim only wore a coat over his shirt, not enough to defend his human body from the negative temperatures and wind chill for an extended amount of time. He slung Jim's arm over his shoulder and began to half drag him through the snow.

"Spock, don't." He said hoarsely as he stumbled along, too weak to protest.

"I will not leave you, Jim."

_I am here this time, I won't let you die._

They walked in silence, Spock using as much of his strength as possible to hurry Jim along. He could feel his own body protest with each step, but refused to give into it. When they finally reached the post, Jim pushed him away weakly in protest, trying to straighten himself as he opened the door. Spock didn't stop him or attempt to aid him as he struggled to shut it behind them. Jim's pride had consumed him again and Spock took no offense to it. The air was warmer than outside and he knew it would be enough to warm their bodies back to their normal function.

To his surprise, inside the post was none other than Montgomery Scott. Memories of the Scottish engineer flooded his memory as he tried to explain his future formula in order to beam both of them onto the _Enterprise_. This counterpart of his old friend was not much different than the one of his time. His spirit was still fiery and his passion for engineering was still vibrant.

Only moments later did he feel a sense of loneliness as he watched Jim and Scotty climb into the transporter pads, trying to face away from them to steady his emotions.

"Hey, coming back in time and changing everything. That's cheating."

A pang rang out in his chest. He turned back to take in the last image of the young Jim. He was hunched slightly, blue eyes staring without blinking, reading him. Deep into those eyes he saw a pain, a longing that should have never been initiated by him, but it was there none the less.

"_I don't believe in no-win scenarios."_

Jim's words were wrong, he was stuck. There was no way to win in this universe. He couldn't be with this younger Jim; he did not belong to him. He could not return to his own time period and even if he did, _his _Jim would not be there waiting. Spock was alone, adrift in the sea of this universe with no land in sight.

"Consider it something I learned from an old friend." Spock's lips curled slightly, holding up his hand in the Vulcan salute, he replied, "Live long and prosper." Tears stinging at his eyes as the image of his young T'hy'la faded away.

_Be happy, Jim._

* * *

The silence was so heavy in the air, he could hear his heart beating and every raspy breath he took. He shakily took a seat, placing his face into his hand. The feeling of having Jim by his side again still lingered, his voice still ringing in his mind. Letting go after spending decades without him took too much energy, he felt tired.

A sudden crash rung out in the silence and he bolted to his feet. He could only assume the intruder was Nero, no one else would be on this planet. Jim's presence had been a coincidence, he was sure no one else would be sent here. He rushed from the shuttlecraft and into the hallway. If it was indeed Nero, he would rather face him now. Allow the Romulan to finish him off if that was his intention; he had already made peace with death.

As he started approaching the communicator room that they had found Scotty in, he heard more clanging and soft cursing. It sounded like whoever was there was alone. His pace slowed, curiously rounding the corner and into the doorway. The room was in shambles, the equipment had been strewn everywhere, some of it in pieces like a giant explosion had occurred. A figure was hunched over attempting to untangle his feet from loose cords, muttering softly.

"Who are you?" Spock demanded, "How did you arrive here? Are you Starfleet?"

The man froze for a palpable moment. He slowly rose from his hunched position and pivoted as best as he could. A look of shock in his eyes, his face paled.

"Spock?"

Spock felt his stomach drop, the blood rushing from his own face.

"Jim." He whispered.

There was a pause. Spock couldn't find the words as they stood there, eyes locked. He began configuring in his head that this couldn't be possible; this had to be an illusion, a trick. Jim looked exactly as he did before he died, hadn't aged a day. He still wore his uniform, his hair still a darkened blond with hardly a trace of grey hair.

"You're old." Jim broke the silence.

"Indeed." Spock's voice was hoarse. He stood glued to the spot, trying to logically decipher the image before him. It seemed like Jim, but Jim was dead.

"Where am I? How long have I been gone?"

Jim made no attempts at moving closer to Spock either. It was possible he believed Spock to be an illusion as well.

"We are currently at the Star-base on Delta Vega in an alternate universe. You have been dead for nearly a hundred years in my lifetime." He said flatly.

"A hundred years? It didn't feel _that _long." He muttered quietly. His honey eyes darted up quickly, "Are you real? Or am I still in there?" He asked more toward himself than at Spock.

"I am not quite sure of your meaning."

"I asked," he trailed off as he searched around the room, his eyes growing wet, "I asked to be brought to you. I had no desire to stay in the Nexus and spend an eternity without you, the _real_ you." He glanced back to Spock, "And suddenly, I was thrown here. I want to make sure you're not just an image that's been given to me to keep me from leaving. I made up my mind; I want to be back with Spock!" He was nearly shouting.

Spock could feel the pulse in his head, his breaths were shallow, and the sound of Jim's voice was clenching his stomach in knots. He wanted to believe this was real, but how could he? There was only one way to know for sure.

"Jim." He tentatively approached him. Jim couldn't move from being tangled in the cords, but he didn't protest to Spock stepping closer until they were only inches apart. His hand reached up and lingered above Jim's face for a moment. There was no fear in the honey of his eyes; they were pleading him to continue, to steal away any doubt that they had. Jim's skin was cool, soft and familiar beneath his fingers.

Then a sudden flash erupted as their minds connected. The dimmed thread of their bond sprung to life, burning at such an intense rate that it nearly blinded both of them. Spock's mind flooded with Jim's thoughts, memories, and emotions of the two of them. He watched in horror at the last memory that Jim had of him, raping him, slashing and biting, nearly laughing as he writhed in pain beneath him. Then came visions of the tender moments, could feel the love and longing flowing through the bond, catching his breath in his throat. The emotions and memories began to jumble together, whirring between their minds at such a fast rate that when Spock finally broke away from the meld, he took a few steps backward. Jim tripped from the cords and fell back onto the floor with a loud thud.

The silence blanketed the room again, only the sounds of them gasping for air were heard.

"Well, that answers that." Jim's voice came out garbled, eyes glistening.

Spock didn't hesitate, didn't take a moment to think it over as he rushed over to him. Swiftly bending down onto his knees, he grasped Jim's face between his hands and brought him into a rough but tender kiss coated with sadness, desperation, and joy.

He was home.

* * *

**A/N: Surprised? Will try and hurry to write the next chapter. Please review, thank you for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Prepare for fluff! Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

All sense of time faded as Spock drowned himself in the kiss. Through their bond, their heartbeats became united, he could feel the brightness of Jim's mind wrapping itself around his like a gentle blanket, so delicate and firm he choked back a sob. For years he withheld this, keeping himself in check, ashamed to allow anyone other than McCoy who was extremely perceptive to see his guards down. To allow himself to freely love Jim without a care to how he appeared. But he knew it had been a logical precaution in their lifetime, it was against regulation for the Captain to date a crewmember, even as an Admiral, it was inappropriate.

Now he let the barriers crash, for nearly a hundred years the guilt of being ashamed of his T'hy'la had eaten away at him. The pain he had caused him, the time he had wasted. Even though human lives were already short and Jim would have died eventually, he felt he could have done more; they could have been more if he had allowed it. They were bonded, married, but he didn't dare to reveal it publicly. Only in private moments could he open up to Jim. Try hard not think of the fleeting feelings through the bond of Jim's sadness and loneliness from the times he would distance himself while in the public eye.

"_Sometimes, it's like you look straight through me." Jim's voice whispered in the darkness of his quarters. _

"_It is illogical to see through solid matter."_

_He could feel Jim's body tense in his arms, a frustrated sigh escaping him._

"_I wish—" He shook his head, "I just wish we didn't have to hide our love. Sometimes, I wish I could strip away my titles and change my name so we could live out our lives without fear."_

"_I harbor no fear, Jim."_

"_Are you sure, Spock? If that were true, why do you push me away?"_

_When Spock failed to respond, Jim shook his head and slid himself underneath the covers. Spock sat in the silence, listening to the even deep breaths of Jim as he fell into slumber. He pushed him away to protect him from losing the Enterprise, the career he cherished the most. Or was it? Was that really the reason behind it? He realized in that moment, he was afraid. Afraid he would hurt Jim just by simply loving him._

Spock broke the kiss, caressing his cheek gingerly. Jim was breathless, but could not keep the small smile from creeping up his face. His cheeks were flushed and his body trembled.

"I can't remember the last time you kissed me like that."

"I have missed you, T'hy'la." Spock pulled Jim into his arms, burying his face into the familiar softness of his hair. Jim shuddered beneath, letting out a sight, wrapping his arms around him. He buried his face in Spock's neck, the two of them just held each other. It was only until he could feel Jim start to shiver from the lower temperature in the building that he leaned back.

"You are cold, Jim."

"I didn't exactly pack for the weather." Jim grinned at him. Spock's eyebrows furrowed slightly. Jim's hair seemed to have grayed slightly. No, it was illogical. It wasn't possible for his hair to have grayed in such a short amount of time. It was possible that he had not noticed it until he was within a closer range.

Spock reached down and untangled Jim's feet from the cords and helped pull him to his feet. Jim made a disgruntled noise as he stood, his bones popped with each movement.

"I was in the Nexus too long; I almost forgot I'm old." He gave a small laugh, "I don't remember my body rejecting me this much."

Spock's eyes glittered happily as he watched him stretch his back, making small grunting sounds. Jim stopped and glanced at him, his eyebrows hiking up his face questionably.

"Do I amuse you, Spock?"

"You have always possessed such an ability, Jim." The corner of his mouth twitched slightly as he suppressed a smile.

Jim rubbed his hands on his arms, shivering more.

"What are you doing here, Spock? I thought Vulcans avoided the cold?"

"It was not my decision." Spock couldn't keep his voice steady and Jim looked to him with concern.

"We're at a Starfleet base? There have to be rooms in this building with heat sources." He said quickly, changing the subject. He knew Jim could feel his sorrow and tension, the memory of his planet being sucked into oblivion along with the majority of his race fleeting through Spock's mind.

"You are correct to assume so. This base has been neglected; however there is an unoccupied room that we can take shelter in while I reassemble the transmission equipment."

Jim glanced back at him, his eyebrow attempting to arch like Spock's would.

"I feel there's something you're keeping from me, Spock."

"I would not lie to you, Jim." His voice was soft. His mind raced, trying to figure out the best way to inform Jim about the alternate universe, their young counterparts, and to Jim's dismay, how he would be forced to live the remainder of his life without his titles and accomplishments and anyone's knowledge of his existence. Forever trapped in isolation.

"Let's head to the room." Jim said, gesturing for Spock to lead. Spock simply nodded and walked from the room, Jim following closely at his side. The years spent hiding any affection formed a habit that took control quickly as they made their way down the hall. They stood straight, eyes ahead, their hands hung loosely by their sides. Spock could feel Jim's longing floating thickly in the air, could feel his hesitation to reach out to him, fear slivering through the bond that he would reject him.

Spock reached out quickly, lacing his fingers through Jim's. Jim gasped, his body jerked for a moment in surprise. He stopped and Spock halted as well, but kept their hands entwined.

"You've changed." Jim whispered, staring ahead, shocked. "Why now?"

"I have had many years of reflection. It is possible that it has softened certain characteristics."

Jim's eyes finally met his.

"Distance makes the heart grow fonder." It wasn't quite a statement or a question.

"Indeed, it does." Spock's eyes saddened, remembering the lonely nights, the empty days. Not a day passed that he had not thought of Jim.

A light flickered in the honey eyes, a smile broke out on his face, genuine, happy. His own fingers squeezed Spock's tightly. He pulled the Vulcan to him. Jim's hand reached up and cupped his cheek, fingers like ice against his skin. Spock closed his eyes, leaning his face into the hand, "T'hy'la." He whispered, his free hand reaching up to lay gently over Jim's.

Spock opened his eyes to see Jim was only inches from him, reading him carefully. Spock blinked, his eyebrows furrowing curiously again, new lines had formed on Jim's face that were not there only moments ago. He realized this was not a hallucination, something was wrong. He felt that Jim was taking his facial expressions as discomfort. Jim's thumb caressed Spock's cheek anxiously.

"I love you, Spock." He said cautiously.

Spock gave him a small reassuring smile.

"I love you, Jim."

* * *

The room was untidy, clothes strewn everywhere. The bed's sheets were crumpled on the floor, and drawers were left open, clothes stuffed and overflowed out of them. Spock arched his eyebrow at the sight; it seemed his old Scottish colleague had taken little care to his personal belongings. Although he recalled when they had met him, he seemed to be disgruntled with the current situation, taking it as a "punishment".

The temperature setting in the room was at a comfortable level for a human, but he raised it ten more degrees so that he could feel comfortable enough to remove his coat. Jim walked stiffly over to the bed and sat with a small sigh. His body slouched and his eyes drooped as he stared blankly at the wall.

"You are tired, Jim."

He jerked his head up to look at him.

"I'm all right, Spock."

"You should rest."

Jim shook his head, chuckling.

"I disappear into a world that gave me no pain, no sickness. I could do anything and never fatigue, completely relaxed. I leave and the first thing you want me to do is sleep?"

"Correct. You are not used to being outside of that world, Jim. You're body requires to replenish itself. I insist you rest."

He huffed, his hand scrubbing his face vigorously.

"First tell me what happened to you, why we're here in an 'alternate universe' as you put it. And why you're here at this Star-base?"

"I will explain in due time. First, you must sleep."

Jim glared at him. He didn't have the patience to wait for information. Spock understood; Jim had always been this way. Relief filled Spock as he watched Jim fall sideways onto the bed, his human body losing its battle to stay conscious and argue with the Vulcan. Jim grumbled to himself and Spock caught the last part of the sentence, "Damn stubborn, thinks he's Bones. Don't know who's worse." He watched as Jim drifted off to sleep.

Approaching the bed, he picked up the blankets from the floor and pulled them over him. He stood there memorizing the way Jim's features softened, his lips parted slightly as his breaths evened out. Spock ran his fingers lightly through his hair before something caught his eye, he froze. The patch of dark blond hair beneath his fingers faded into a soft grey. As he pulled his hand away, a small amount of Jim's hair came with it.

This wasn't right. He glanced to Jim's face, more wrinkles and loose skin had appeared instantaneously.

_No._ Spock thought. His heart quickened.

Jim was aging, rapidly.

_This cannot be possible._ His fist clenched tightly.

Jim was dying.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Okay, just a warning, angst ahead. But please don't fear! Things will get happier soon I promise! Also young Jim and Spock will come back too. Thanks for reading and please review!**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

A week had passed and Spock tirelessly worked to repair the transmission equipment. The clock was ticking on Jim's time. In the course of the week, Jim's entire hair color had nearly grayed, his energy was depleting, and his mind seemed more unfocused than usual. Spock recalled the last time they had gone through rapid aging, although at the time it had to do with radiation. He was unsure if this was the cause again or if it was from a different source. All he knew was he needed to reach McCoy quickly.

He sat in the communication room, fiddling with wires on one of the devices when he heard Jim shuffle in. Spock didn't look up from his work; he was too focused on the repairs to notice Jim had not moved from the doorway.

"Jim, is there anything you require?" Spock asked as he reconnected a split wire, twisting it until it held in place.

There was no answer.

"Jim?" Spock glanced up at him then quickly bolted to his feet. Jim was staring away from Spock, blinking rapidly in confusion. The Vulcan strode over to him, grasping Jim's arm lightly and asked again softly, "Jim?"

Jim's head whirled to look at the Vulcan, fear washing out the calmness of his honey eyes. He pushed away Spock's arm and quickly diverted back from him.

"Who are you? How do you know my name? Where am I?" He shouted, looking around in desperation.

"Jim." Spock soothed, "Do not fear. I'm not here to harm you." He cautiously approached him, his arm reaching for him.

"Don't touch me!"

Spock stopped, his hand hovering mid-air.

"Please, Jim. I am now and forever shall be your friend. Allow me to help you." His voice cracked at the end, feeling tears stinging at his eyes.

Jim backed away until his back hit the wall. Confusion and fear overwhelmed him, searching the room frantically, avoiding eye contact with Spock.

"Help!" He screamed, "Somebody, help me!"

Spock could feel the ache in his heart, a lump formed in his throat. He fluently closed the distance between them, yanking Jim into his arms. Jim wriggled and fought against him but could not break free of Spock's iron grip.

"Release me!" Jim hollered in his ear. "Let me go!"

A silent tear trailed down Spock's face as he took in a shaky breath.

"Forgive me, Jim." He whispered before his hand reached up to crook of his neck, pressing down onto his artery until Jim fell boneless into Spock's arms. He lifted Jim with ease into his arms bridal style and made his way back to the room. Crossing over to the bed, he gently laid him down, his hand shakily caressing his cheek gently.

"_I miss you."_

Spock sat on the edge of the bed and watched him, his body trembling with sadness, fear, and confusion to Jim's reaction of him. His hand reached up from his cheek and brushed away the hair that dangled in Jim's face.

"_I love you."_

He leaned down, feeling Jim's warm breath on his face. Gently pressing his lips against his, he felt another tear slip from beneath his eyelid, dripping from his cheek bone and landing onto Jim's face. Spock let the kiss linger, feeling Jim's soft lips pressed against his, but it felt so dead without those lips returning the pressure. Breaking away, he pressed his forehead against Jim's, cupping his cheek with his hand.

"Stay with me, _T'hy'la_." He whispered, "Please don't forget me."

* * *

The hours seemed to tick by as Jim slept. Spock knew he couldn't stay with Jim in the room; he had to finish fixing the equipment. Jim's condition was becoming worse and he knew there wasn't much time left. He sighed in relief as he finished the last of the wiring, feverishly twisting nobs, attempting to reach the certain vessel he had in mind, the screen was black in front of him.

"_Enterprise_ please come in. Requesting emergency assistance on Delta Vega, do you copy?"

Static was heard for a moment before the screen sprung to life. Two blue eyes caught his and held him entranced for a moment. The young man smiled at him, happiness radiating through the monitor.

"This is Captain James T. Kirk of the _U.S.S Enterprise. _How can we assist you?"

Relief rushed through Spock for a moment to see that he had managed to correct the error in the time stream. His lips twitched slightly at the younger Jim before he became serious again.

"Captain Kirk, we require medical assistance and transportation to Earth."

A young Vulcan stepped into view, his eyebrow arched at the screen. He leaned down to whisper in Jim's ear anxiously.

"I'll tell you later." Jim muttered before returning his attention to the screen, "Your request is accepted, we will be within beaming range in o-nine-hundred hours. Signal when ready, we will have medical standing by."

"One request, Captain?" Spock interjected and Jim gave him a puzzled look. "Please have only your Chief Medical Officer and yourself be present upon beaming."

Jim gave him a curious look before nodding in agreement. Spock's young counterpart shot Jim a startled glance, his eyes furrowing in suspicion

"Very well, your personal request will be honored."

"Thank you, Captain. I will signal when ready to beam out."

"Understood." Jim said, giving him a cocky grin. "Kirk out."

The transmission went dead and Spock leaned back in his chair, letting out a small breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He had to be cautious; this time stream was still delicate. No doubt his younger counterpart was already deciphering the meaning of an elderly Vulcan who was stationed on Delta Vega.

It would be seven hours before the _Enterprise_ would arrive. He decided it was best to check on Jim and possibly rest before their arrival. Spock's body lagged as he headed back to the room, he had worked consistently for days without any sleep and hardly any food. If his McCoy had this information, he knew he would be scolded and hauled off to Sickbay for a full examination.

He could hear the doctor in his head, _"I know you're worried about Jim, but you're no good to him dead are you? Now rest and eat something, dammit. Don't make me restrain you and force food down your throat, and don't you think I won't do it either!"_

A small smile etched its way across Spock's face. It would be fascinating to see his old friend again in this time stream. He silently wondered if the young counterpart would have the same mannerisms as the old country doctor. He would feel quite grieved if it turned out differently.

The doors hissed as he re-entered the room, but froze as he stared at the empty bed. Panic rose in his body as he hurried from the room. He checked each hallway and even the shuttle-craft but found no trace of him. Stopping for a moment, he concentrated on the bond, calming his emotions to feel for any signs of Jim's mind.

Cold, he felt extremely cold, confused and afraid.

Jim was outside.

He rushed from the building, the wind howled loudly in his ears. The snow was thick as it blew sideways; the light was dim from dark clouds hanging overhead.

"Jim!" He shouted but his voice drowned in the wind.

_Jim! _He called out through the bond.

_Spock._ The thought was weak.

Spock quickly moved through the blowing snow, he could feel the direction of where Jim was. He wasn't far, but he didn't know how long Jim had been out here. It took a few minutes but he managed to reach a small rock formation where he saw the form of a man who was blanketed with snow lying on his side on the ground.

Falling to his knees, he reached out and shook Jim's shoulders. Jim's eye fluttered open as he looked up at the Vulcan. Jim's lips were blue and his skin was ashen, he was shivering uncontrollably. He was exposed to the elements, only wearing a shirt and pants, his hands and arms were turning a dark purple.

_T'hy'la, where were you going?_ Spock asked softly through the bond.

_I don't know._ Jim's thoughts were heavy with confusion, he appeared to be lost, disoriented.

Spock removed his coat and placed it over Jim before again picking him up bridal style, Jim's head resting against his chest. He found it was a challenge to carry Jim back to the building, stumbling slightly every few steps.

They were nearly to the door when a thought floated through the connection

_Who am I?_

The connection dimmed as Jim slipped into unconsciousness.

* * *

**A/N: Kleenex anyone? **


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Sorry for the heartache of the last chapter, keep hanging on this story will get happier! I love angst, but I also love happy endings. Thanks for reading and please review!**

* * *

**Chapter 7**

Spock held Jim to him as they lied in the bed, his body felt like ice against the Vulcan's. Jim's breath was warm and ragged against his chest as he cradled him. His hand soothingly rubbing Jim's back, willing calming thoughts through the bond. He could feel a small strain on the connection, there was a tremor from the pressure, causing fear to pulsate through Spock's body. Normally, Spock would not invade his mind without his consent, but he couldn't resist removing his hand from Jim's back and pressing it against the psi points on his face. He needed to know what was happening to his mind, had to attempt to help him.

There was another bright flash with the connection, but what Spock found filled him with dread. The once vibrant space of Jim's mind with the alluring colors, thoughts, and memories had disappeared; a hollow emptiness had replaced it. He made his way through the barren field that was once so full of life.

"_Who are you?"_ A voice called out from behind him and Spock whirled around to face him. An elderly Jim stood there, his face was covered with deep wrinkles, hair had turned a ghostly white, his body was hunched painfully, and his eyes held nothing within them.

"_I am the other half of you, a friend."_

"_I don't know you." _Jim's voice was weak, shaky.

"_I will help you to remember." _

The image faded as the barren field reemerged. Spock felt no resistance as he trudged through the void of Jim's mind again. He forced his way deeper, breaking through barriers until a light penetrated the darkness. The light was small but he couldn't allow it to escape. As he reached for it, a stiff hand grasped his wrist.

"_I don't know you!" _Jim shouted angrily, the image of elderly Jim had reappeared next to Spock. Jim's hand was like iron on the Vulcan's wrist. Spock knew that on the outside of their minds, Jim had literally grabbed it, and was attempting to force Spock's hand away from his face.

Spock knew that Jim's mind had the power to force him out; he had to reach the light before that happened. Spock used his free arm to reach out, could feel the elderly Jim attempting to pull him back from it, but his mind was stronger. He grasped the light and it exploded into the darkness, illuminating the barren fields.

The image of elderly Jim started to morph beside him, the wrinkles receding, the hair darkening into a darker blond, a small light sparkling from his eyes. His grip lessened then slipped away from Spock's wrist.

"_Spock?" _His voice echoed.

"_Jim!"_

Spock bombarded his mind with feelings of love and comfort. He wrapped around his mind in an embrace, fighting away Jim's fear and longing.

"_Spock, what's wrong with me?" _Jim's voice was calm, but lined with a hint of panic.

Spock soothed him, trying to ease his distress.

"_I am unsure. I've called on the assistance from this time stream's McCoy. We should reach a conclusion quickly."_

He felt happiness spread warmly through his mind as Jim felt reassured.

"_If he's anything like the Bones we know, he'll find this to be a major pain in his ass."_

"_The doctor always did possess an amusing tactic for handling his patients."_ Spock's voice was coated with amusement, allowing a memory to float between their minds of the doctor scolding Jim and Spock to stay lying in their beds in Sickbay, quickly shushing them as they tried desperately to protest, threatening to use hypos if necessary to keep them from escaping.

Jim's laugh echoed through Spock's mind.

"_He never quite grasped the concept of a good bed-side manner."_

"_Indeed." _

Suddenly the light illuminating them began to dim and start receding back into the darkness. Confusion sparked between their minds, heaviness fell upon Jim's mind, pulling him under. Spock reached out, trying to grasp the image of Jim, his honey eyes darkening.

"_T'hy'la! Fight this!" _Desperation coated his thought.

"_What's happening? Who are you?" _His voice was panicked.

"_I am Spock, T'hy'la, do not give in!"_

Spock could feel the pressure of Jim's mind pushing him away.

"_I don't know you."_ Jim's response was firm.

The image of Jim began deteriorating back into an elderly man.

"_Jim!" _Spock was being pushed further away from the image, his hand held out helplessly, trying to fight against the force of it.

"_Who is…Jim?"_

The image of Jim shattered as Spock was thrown from the meld. Spock's vision snapped quickly to Jim's wide eyes, filled with terror, then Spock was pushed violently by the man off the bed. Jim's legs caught in the bed sheets as he thrashed around, panic cries filling the room. Jim rolled off the bed and landed with a loud thud onto the floor, the bed sheets wrapped around the lower half of his body.

Spock rushed around the bed to aid him. Jim flailed his arms wildly and Spock grasped his wrists, pinning them to the floor. Jim's eyes were wild, rolling around the room, failing to focus on a single point. His breaths were labored as he bucked his body beneath Spock's, attempting to free himself.

A chirp rang out in the air from the communicator Scotty had left behind, the _Enterprise _signaling that it had entered orbit. It lied on the bedside table a foot away, and he tried to reposition himself to keep Jim pinned and reach for it. He didn't want to use the pinch and put him under again, feeling it would be detrimental to his health. With his iron grip, he managed to keep Jim secured as his fingertips lightly brushed the communicator, it slid of the table and clattered onto the floor.

His body shook as Jim began beating at the arm that was pinning him. He shakily opened the communicator and pressed the transmission dial.

"_Enterprise_! Two to beam up!" His voice strained. Jim was human, but his body coursed with adrenaline causing the Vulcan to put some effort into the struggle.

A light enveloped the two and he watched in relief as they materialized onto a familiar platform. Jim's young face was elated until he saw the scene in front of him, his face dropping quickly, eyes full of concern. Spock spotted a young man next to him in blue scrubs, his cerulean eyes widening in shock, but rushed quickly over to them without hesitation.

"Good God! What the hell is going on?" McCoy demanded, dropping down to aid the Vulcan, pulling out a hypo and injecting it quickly into Jim's neck.

"I will explain, Doctor, once he is transported to Sickbay. I request this to remain private between you and the Captain."

The cerulean eyes glanced up at him deep with anger and confusion. Both of them glanced down quickly as Jim let out a sigh before his body relaxed, his eyes unfocused, but remained conscious.

"I don't know who you are, but you can't just beam aboard and expect me to obey your every request!" McCoy spat.

"Bones." Young Jim's voice snapped the doctor's attention away. "Let's get him to Sickbay then we'll talk." Jim looked physically shaken; his eyes were glued on the older Jim. He recognized him from the memory when Spock melded with him. Spock looked to him with concern, he hadn't thought about the impact it would make on the younger counterpart to see his older self, especially in this condition.

"Already got one damn pointy-eared bastard ordering me around, now I've got two, just my God damn luck." McCoy grumbled angrily, standing to retrieve the stretcher by the door. He held it steady as Spock lifted Jim and placed him gently onto it.

McCoy kept glancing back with angry confusion at the Vulcan as they made their way to Sickbay. Spock walked behind the stretcher, young Jim walked stiffly at his side. Jim seemed unnerved and uncomfortable but Spock didn't want to speak to him until they were safely out of earshot of the other crew members. They entered Sickbay and Spock was grateful as the doctor shooed the nurses out.

Spock helped the doctor move Jim from the gurney to the biobed bed, McCoy quickly hooked him up to read his vitals.

"His heart rate is elevated and his blood pressure is high. His oxygen levels are dangerously low, and he's suffering from a mild case of hypothermia. Good God! His brain waves are erratic!" McCoy turned to Spock, his face demanding an explanation.

"Bones, this is going to sound crazy, but you need to listen to him." Young Jim said cautiously, his face had paled, but he forced himself to move closer to the bed near the doctor.

"You better have a good reason to all this secrecy, Jim." He eyed his friend suspiciously.

"You are Doctor Leonard H. McCoy." Spock interjected, causing both of them to whip their heads to look at him.

"How the hell do you know that? Have we met?" He darted around the biobed to get closer to the Vulcan.

"You are a cherished friend in another lifetime." Spock said with a small twitch to his mouth, this McCoy was not much different from his. Foul mouthed, sarcastic and snarky.

"What's that supposed to mean? I'm a doctor, not a mind reader!"

He stared at the doctor for a moment. There was no logical way to motivate the doctor to his work without an explanation. The man was known to be persistent about his patients, to know the background facts before delving into unknown territory. He didn't always have the facts, but he preferred it if he was able to retrieve it.

"I am Spock."

McCoy gaped at him for a moment before shaking his head in disbelief. He turned to young Jim, crossing his arms.

"Okay, what's this all about? Are you trying to get even with me from one of the pranks I pulled on you at the Academy?"

Jim gave a sheepish smile.

"I told you it was going to sound crazy." Jim's eyes caught Spock's, attempting to send him a message through the bright blue irises. Spock nodded in understanding as he approached the doctor, bringing his hand up to his face.

"Hold on just a damn minute, what the hell are you doing?" He snapped, backing up slightly.

"I'm going to meld our minds, Doctor. It would be more time efficient than to explain it to you. Do not be afraid, my old friend, you will not feel any pain." He soothed.

A puzzled and curious look washed over McCoy's features, but he didn't try to escape as Spock laid his fingers against his face. Their minds connected and Spock was careful not to pry into his mind, controlling only the images of certain memories of their friendship, explaining his failed mission, and the arrival of his Jim. He allowed McCoy to feel his admiration for him, and his gratitude for their friendship before cutting the connection, pulling out from his mind.

McCoy backed away from the Vulcan slowly; his eyes were glittered with unshed tears. Spock gave him space as he had done with young Jim, allowing him to collect his thoughts.

"Well, what do ya know?" McCoy let out a breathy laugh. "The green-blooded hobgoblin has human emotions after all."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Sorry for the late update, hit a wall with this chapter. Know where the story is going but couldn't figure out how to continue. Finally got passed it, yay!**

* * *

**Chapter 8**

"_Spock?" _

"_Yes, Captain."_

"_So…I've been relieved then."_

"_I'm sorry, Captain."_

_His heart ached, the man who once stood so proud sat fragile in the chair, clutching on to what pride he had left. The blond strands of his hair were ghostly white, his lower jaw set jutted forward slightly, wrinkles covered his face—a shell of the man he once was. Spock wanted to refuse the hearing but was forced by regulation to go against him. But that was no excuse for hurting him. The betrayal Jim felt burned deep in his eyes. _

"_I have not assumed command."_

"_What do you mean 'you haven't assumed command'? If you're not in command, then who is?" Jim's voice sounded panicked. It was one thing for his ship to be taken away; it was another for someone he hardly knew to be trusted with it. _

"_Commodore Stocker."_

_Anger flooded the amber eyes. He had lost his ship, his crew to a man who had no field experience. _

"_I order you to take command." _

"_I cannot, Captain." He couldn't hide the remorse in his words. He wanted to reach out, ease his distress, but he was the source of his pain. _

_Jim's eyes shot up, anger flaring inside his eyes that were now directed at the Vulcan. _

"_Are you going against a direct order? You traitorous…disloyal…stab me in the back the first chance you get…" He trailed off, his eyes softening, pain replacing the anger as he pleaded, "Spock?" _

_Spock felt a jolt of pain through his body. How could he have done this to him? This man loved him, trusted him with his life. And with his first sign of weakness, Spock had betrayed him. He stood silently, at a loss for words. He couldn't think of any to comfort him, couldn't think of the right ones that would bring him happiness. _

"_Get out." Jim's voice was firm but underlined with sadness. "I never want to look at you again."_

_Spock took a moment to take in his words. Heaviness fell over him, feeling tears stinging at his eye he turned to leave. _

I'm sorry, T'hy'la.

* * *

"Well, I've checked for radiation and that doesn't seem to be the problem." McCoy sighed as he ran the Tricorder over Jim's unconscious body. "He appears to have a severe case of Alzheimer's. It won't be long until he becomes a mental vegetable, unable to remember anything of relevance like eating or relieving himself." His eyes shot up to the Vulcan, his face crestfallen.

Spock nodded, glancing down to Jim's serene face.

"I'll keep trying. Hell, if your McCoy figured out a remedy to save your lives when this happened, I'm sure there should be one now." He huffed in frustration.

"Thank you, Doctor. Your efforts are appreciated."

"Spock." His voice was soft, "You might want to…" He trailed off, unsure how to continue. McCoy didn't understand this Spock. He was used to the logical, unemotional, pain in the ass Vulcan not the soft eyed, patient, attentive one that stood before him.

"I understand." Spock didn't glance up, a shimmer appearing in his eyes.

"I'll, uh, leave you two alone." McCoy quickly hurried away from the biobed.

Spock stood there motionless, studying Jim's vitals, deep in thought. Completing the unfinished sentence McCoy had said in his mind.

_You might want to say your goodbyes, just in case._

Was he able to say it? Did he have the strength to let Jim go again? He had lost himself the first time Jim had died, a hollow hole appeared deep inside. He always knew he would outlive him, but he had hoped he would've been there at his deathbed, holding him close in his arms until he drew his last breath.

His hand reached out, fingers tracing along Jim's face. There had always been a small amount of innocence to his appearance, even in his old age he still held remnants of a young boy. He listened to Jim's steady breaths, listen to the subtle blips of the heart monitor reminding him that Jim was still alive, but he would fade away with time.

He felt a sudden presence and the weight of a gaze at his backside. He shook his head slightly, releasing a small sigh.

"I was beginning to wonder when you would present yourself, Spock." He said, glancing away from Jim to his younger counterpart who stood silently at the door, his fingers coming to rest on Jim's hand.

The young Vulcan's eyebrow arched, chocolate irises scanning him carefully.

"I do not believe we have been acquainted." He said with a curious ring to his voice, folding his arms behind his back.

"No, we have not."

The young Vulcan cautiously entered the room, observing the scene before him. He walked swiftly to the biobed, stopping short of the foot of the bed, staring down at Jim in confusion. Spock stayed silent, unsure how to approach his younger counterpart without frightening him or revealing information.

The young Vulcan shifted from the end and walked steadily around to the other side until he was near Jim's face. His eyes widened for a brief moment before they narrowed, his brow furrowing before glancing back up to meet Spock's eyes.

"Who are you?" His voice was demanding and Spock was quick to understand that his counterpart's personality was bold whereas he was more passive, comfortable to stand back and let Jim take the lead until he deemed it necessary to step in.

Spock tilted his head, dropping his eyes, releasing another small sigh.

"I believe you have already reached that conclusion." He said, glancing back to the young Vulcan and watched a fleeting thought cross his dark eyes as he glanced back down to Jim. Releasing one of his hands from his back, he reached tentatively out until his fingers touched Jim's cheek before recoiling from the touch, eyes widening again.

"This is highly illogical." He stated flatly.

"I understand your doubts, but as you have observed, we are not illusions."

The young Vulcan's eyes blazed into Spock's, questions surfacing within them.

"What ails him?"

Spock arched his eyebrow at his counterpart's concern. He had been informed of the duo defeating Nero and saving Earth. He was also surprised to learn of their physical altercation when Jim had returned to the _Enterprise. _He was under the assumption that his counterpart would merely only be a colleague, but the underlining tone in his question suggested something more.

"It is inconclusive."

The young Vulcan glanced away from him to return his gaze to Jim's face. Spock recognized the small slouch in his shoulders, indicating that he was unsettled, worried. He could recount the times that he had felt the same standing over Jim in Sickbay. The young Vulcan moved his gaze from Jim's face to the hand Spock was holding, gingerly rubbing his thumb along Jim's fingers.

"You are…fond of him?" His eyes remained fixated on their hands.

"Quite." He spoke softly, "I apologize for your discomfort and I do not wish to discuss this subject further."

The young Vulcan nodded curtly and turned away from the bed, striding toward the door and stopped midway across the room, tilting his head toward Spock.

"I must inquire about your wellbeing should he pass on?"

"That is a fair question." His lips twitched to form a small smile, "But one I cannot quite answer as of yet."

His young counterpart stared intently at him and he knew he had already come to a solid conclusion. Spock knew that he would reach it easily with or without the information he kept from him. A shadow of a raw emotion spilled into the young Vulcan's eyes, a ghost of an emotion that Spock recognized well. He could not confirm this with the younger counterpart when he was unsure if the two of them would share the same bond as they had. But he already understood the young Vulcan didn't need the confirmation from him verbally, Spock's affection for Jim had been all the confirmation he needed.

The young Vulcan raised his hand slowly, forming the _Ta'al. _

"Live long and prosper."

Spock copied the motion with his free hand.

"Peace and long life."

And without another word, the young Vulcan slipped away out of the room with a troubled look upon his face.

* * *

**A/N: THERE! Phew, that writer's block was tough to beat with this chapter! I knew I really wanted it to be this way but for some reason it wasn't coming to me. I struggled with this for hours until I got it the way I wanted it. I hope it's worth the read. Thanks for reading and please review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Not joking, get out your tissues now.**

* * *

**Chapter 9**

"Do you think this will work?"

"I damn well hope so." He groused.

"Bones, you can't tell me you're going off a guess? You could kill him!" Jim hissed at him.

"Dammit, Jim, he could die either way. Now give me some room here before I stick a hypo in _your_ neck!" McCoy barked and the young Jim shifted stiffly away.

Spock watched the pair intently, memories of the times he had spent in Sickbay with the two in his time fleeted through his mind. He felt comfortable watching these young counterparts interact, as though it were a film replaying from his youth. The young McCoy moved his way closer to Jim, eyeing him nervously before glancing up at Spock.

"This serum was invented to stop abnormal cell deterioration, it could slow the aging process, but it won't regenerate new cells." He explained hastily, his voice filled with doubt and fear. "And I'm not sure if his memory will come back, but we can figure that out after we test this."

"Understood, Doctor." Spock said mildly, his heart raced as he felt a twinge of fear. He approached the biobed, his hand entwining with Jim's fingers. A hint of remorse filled him as he saw young Jim's face wracked with pain, face paling as his startling sky blue eyes averted away from the both of them. Spock and the doctor had both urged him to leave but true to how Jim's personality was, he refused. Spock didn't want Jim to witness the possible death of his older self, didn't want him to see his own reaction to his bond-mate's death.

McCoy hesitated for a moment before injecting the hypospray into Jim's neck. There was a palpable moment before the loud beeps around them ceased, flooding the room in an eerie silence. Then steadily the arrows in red began to rise, slowly at first, until they entered into the green area with a loud ping.

"I can't believe it." McCoy whispered, "It…worked."

Spock stood motionless, staring in disbelief as Jim's vitals evened. He heard the soft footfalls before a gentle hand touched his arm. He turned to face young Jim who was grinning slightly, eyes glistening. Before Spock could say a word, the young man embraced him, and he in return wrapped his free arm around the sturdy form.

"Jim?" Spock asked softly.

"It's nothing." He laughed, shaking his head against the Vulcan's chest. "We'll get him to remember you, I promise."

"You should not promise a solid outcome with uncertainty, Jim." Spock said firmly but felt a small twitch at his mouth. He had always admired Jim's ambitious mentality, believing that the impossible could be defeated with a bat of his eye. And to Spock's surprise, the majority of the time, Jim succeeded.

"Spock." McCoy said and Jim broke away from the embrace as they both turned to him. McCoy's eyes were wide, a small smirk twitching at the corner of his mouth. "It's a long shot, but I have an idea to jolt his memory."

* * *

Hours passed before Jim's eyes fluttered open, he looked around in confusion, his sight landing on Spock. The Vulcan stood there, arms folded behind him, small amounts of hope smothering out the despair that had been assaulting him for weeks.

"Who are you?" Jim blinked bleary honey eyes at him.

"I am a friend." Spock gave him a soft smile, "I inquire your trust as I wish to escort you to a place you have cherished your entire life."

Jim's eyebrows hiked up his face questionably.

"And where would that be?" Jim slowly rose up from the bed, his face coated with fear, confusion.

"I believe the proper phrase is, 'it's a surprise'."

Jim sat straight, eyeing Spock nervously before glancing over his shoulder at the two young men standing silently at the doorway.

"Who are they?" He jerked his head towards them, suspicious.

"They are also friends with no intention to harm you." Spock soothed him, reaching out to help him from the bed. Jim allowed his help, he physically aged ten years and the height of the bed proved to be difficult for him to maneuver from on his own. Spock gripped his elbow until he found is equilibrium, then gently released him to stride toward the door. He glanced back, gesturing with his hand for Jim to follow him and watched as he tentatively obeyed.

Spock nodded to their younger counterparts as they left the room, feeling their presence at his back as Jim strode by his side through the halls of the ship. The hallways were deserted, allowing them to freely walk about without Jim feeling overwhelmed at the usual chaos; he glanced around in a silent awe, a puzzled expression on his face.

"This…seems familiar." He spoke mostly to himself.

"Indeed." He glanced over his shoulder to see young Jim beaming, giving him a knowing look. He appreciated the young man's confidence but his own wavered. Young Spock's gaze was fixated on the older Jim, an emotion swimming deep in his eyes. Spock felt concerned for his younger counterpart who seemed unsettled by Jim's condition, previously stating his skepticism toward the doctor's plan, believing Jim's memory to be lost given the circumstances.

They entered into the Turbolift, and he felt Jim shift uncomfortably beside him. He could feel his distress through the bond and wanted to comfort him but knew at the moment any physical contact would be rejected. His heart pounded, he felt anxious, fearful that Jim would not recall their life together, fearful that he had lost Jim permanently.

The doors hissed open and Jim stepped out onto the deserted bridge, his eyes scanning the area curiously. Spock watched him cautiously, trailing behind him as he examined the equipment. He felt the weight of their counterpart's eyes on them and was grateful they stood back, allowing Jim to explore.

Jim approached the science station, his eyes furrowing before glancing back toward the Captain's chair. He strode over to it, standing beside it, cocking his head to the side. His hand gingerly caressed the hand rests, gliding his hand up onto the backrest. Spock stood silently on the other side of the chair, observing.

"This..." Jim broke the silence, "This was…mine?" He glanced up to Spock, something flickering beneath his amber eyes.

"Yes." Spock said softly.

"I…I was…the captain?"

Spock's breath caught, he felt a surge of hope spring forward, tears burning at the back of his eyes. A hard lump formed in his throat.

"Yes, you were."

Jim's face dropped slowly, his eyebrows lifting.

"Spock?" He breathed.

Spock's vision blurred, his heart clenched, a single tear dripped down his cheek.

"Jim." He whispered before circling around the chair, pulling Jim into a tight embrace. His lip quivered as another hot tear leaked from his eye. "Jim!" His voice wavered, squeezing him tighter against him.

Jim's arms slid around him, his head resting in the nape of Spock's neck.

"I'm here, Spock." He whispered; his hand tracing along the Vulcan's back.

A hiss rung through the air as the young counterparts retreated into the lift, leaving them alone. Jim pulled back slightly from the embrace, honey eyes boring into his, his hand reaching for the Vulcan's face, wiping away the tear. Spock leaned his forehead against Jim's, his own hand cupping Jim's face gently.

"_T'hy'la_, I…was afraid you were lost to me."

"Afraid?" Jim let out a breathy laugh, "Why, Spock, I thought Vulcan's didn't have emotions?"

A smile spread against Spock's face, he could feel the rush of joy through his body.

"I am also Human."

Jim leaned away from him again, a small smile upon his lips. "I wouldn't want you any other way."

Spock leaned in; softly pressing his lips to Jim's and felt Jim smile into the kiss.

"This is the first time we've ever kissed on the bridge." Jim mumbled into Spock's lips causing the Vulcan's eyebrows to lift, breaking the kiss for a moment.

"So it is."

Jim's smile widened.

"There's always a first for everything."

"Indeed." Spock said again, leaning back in to recapture Jim's lips. He would never take these moments with him for granted again. He needed to speak to McCoy, needed to know how much longer Jim would have so that he could give Jim everything he had wanted to give him. Everything Jim had needed.

This moment was all he needed.

* * *

**A/N: did I not promise things would get better? This made me cry, literally took me awhile to write it out. No this is not where it ends, there will be a next chapter (just in case you thought this was the end). Thanks for reading and please review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Spock and Kirk fluff moments yay, enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 10**

"Sorry it isn't much, but I don't have a lot of credits."

Spock turned to the young Jim who was rubbing the back of his neck, staring intently at the floor.

"It is sufficient enough Jim, thank you." He gave him a small smile and the young man's face lit up.

Spock glanced back to the living room of the small apartment; Jim was by the window, gazing out at the setting sun on the bay. The furniture was shadowed in the dim light behind him; his features were rimmed with a soft orange glow. The young Jim crept passed Spock, striding over to Jim, clearing his throat and he whirled around to look at him.

"I, uh…" Young Jim began, "I wanted to ask…" He trailed off, running his hand through his hair nervously, "I wanted to ask you about…"

"Our father?" Jim finished.

The young man nodded solemnly, crossing his arms, attempting to quiet his nervous fidgeting.

Jim's face was crestfallen as he stared at his young self. "I understand that you weren't able to know him as well as I had. I'm sorry." Jim turned away, staring out through the window again, sighing. "He was an exceptional man, as I have heard he was in this time as well. He was the reason I joined Starfleet."

Jim turned to face his younger counterpart.

"He was proud and I'm sure he would be of you too." He placed a hand on the young man's shoulder. "I'm sure he loved you more than words could say."

Young Jim's body began to tremble, tears streaked down his cheeks. Jim leaned in, whispering in the young man's ear before patting his shoulder and turning away from him to stare out the window. Young Jim's cheeks reddened before turning away, approaching Spock, rubbing feverishly at his eyes.

"Are you all right, Jim?" Spock's voice was filled with concern.

"Yeah." He breathed, "I'm glad you like the place."

"We will be comfortable." He assured him.

"I would stay but I have some reports I need to finish." He grinned. "And I have a certain Vulcan to pester to help me."

Spock nodded curtly, his mouth twitching at the sides.

"I understand."

Young Jim raised his hand, forming the _ta'al_ and Spock mirrored him.

"Live long and prosper." His grin grew.

"Peace and long life, Jim."

He swept passed Spock towards the door, pausing for a moment to glance over his shoulder before striding from the apartment. Spock watched him go, reminiscing of the times he had watched Jim as a younger man as they explored new worlds, on the bridge, and during their most intimate moments. He hoped his young counterpart would be as appreciative if they were to form such a bond. Somewhere in the core of him, he felt at some point they would.

Spock turned toward the window where Jim stood, unmoving. He silently strode over to him, placing his hand on Jim's back, rubbing it gently until he turned to look at him.

"Something is troubling you."

Jim let out a breath, tilting his head down with a small grin.

"Am I really that easy for you to read?"

Spock issued a soft smile.

"I believe I have had a significant amount of practice."

Amber eyes darted up to stare at him.

"Spock…I've never been one to retire. I don't think I have it in me. I have to sit back and watch my younger self Captain my ship. I get to be reminded every day that my life is ending while his is just beginning. My accomplishments will become his. He has everyone beside him…including Bones." Jim's eyes dropped, "I miss him." He whispered.

Spock wrapped his arms around him, his hand gently gliding through Jim's hair.

"Jim, I am sure the Doctor would not want you to grieve for him. He is as they say, 'with you in spirit'." Spock lightly kissed Jim's temple, "And I understand that you are restless, but you are not alone. I am here."

Jim nuzzled his face into Spock's chest, sighing.

"I know. I'm sorry. I forgot you're stuck here too." His arms slid around Spock, thumb gingerly rubbing the Vulcan's back. "I'm sorry that you lost everything."

"I have not lost everything, Jim." He pulled away, his hand gently resting against Jim's face. "I still have you."

A gleam appeared in the honey eyes.

"I only have a year or two left." Jim whispered.

"Do not dwell on time, _T'hy'la_. I wish to spend the rest of your days by your side. I only desire your happiness."

Jim leaned into his lips, softly kissing him. Spock returned the kiss, his thumb gingerly caressing Jim's cheek until Jim broke away from him, grinning.

"If Bones were here, he'd probably call us 'sappy old men'."

"I believe that would be his desired statement."

"And maybe he'd be right." Jim's eyes glittered, the grin never faltering.

"Indeed." Spock smiled softly. He noticed the heaviness around his eyes. "You are tired, Jim. Should we retire for the evening?"

Jim chuckled softly.

"Would you stop reminding me I'm an old man? I used to be able to stay up for days, you know."

"I am aware. I would find you asleep at your desk countless times when you would reach your limits." Spock's hand traced down his face; thumb tracing along Jim's lower lip.

Jim shook his head, the grin breaking into a smile.

"So, it was you who brought me to bed? For a while there I thought I slept walked."

"I could not let you sleep in that position. It would have affected your performance the following day. I did not wish to see you uncomfortable." Spock leaned back down to capture Jim's lips for a moment before releasing them to confront him, "What advice did you bestow upon the young Jim?"

Jim's arms slid from around Spock, his eyes darting away.

"I shouldn't have said anything." He mumbled. "I had no place to say it, but he doesn't have a father and I felt it was my obligation." His eyes met Spock's, silently asking for forgiveness.

Spock's eyebrow arched and Jim flinched.

"I told him that 'opportunities have shelved lives, don't miss your chance to tell him how you feel'."

"_T'hy'la_, you do not know if—"

"I know, I know." Jim waved his hand at him, "I realize that. But I'm not blind, Spock. I watched the two together. I don't want them to waste their lives, silently longing, afraid." He turned from him and walked to the couch, groaning as he slowly sat, resting his head in his hand. "I know I wish I hadn't wasted those years." He mumbled.

"Jim." Spock said softly, causing him to look up. "I understand but we must tread lightly. This universe is not ours. Their destinies may be altered for reasons we may not know." Jim sighed heavily. "However, I am also at fault for…hinting."

Jim's eyebrows hiked up his face, eyes widening in amazement.

"You cease to amaze me, Spock." Jim laughed. He rose from the couch, grabbing the Vulcan's hand. "C'mon, let's hit the hay." His head jerked back toward the direction of the bedroom.

"Even with a lifetime of experience around Human idioms, this one seems to elude my understanding. I do not see how striking fodder will assist us in rest?"

Jim shook his head with an amused grin.

"This is why I love you."

Spock's eyebrows raised, his mouth twitching into a smile. Jim led him through the apartment to the bedroom. Their younger counterparts had offered to buy clothes for them, and even as they refused, young Jim would not take "no" for an answer. Jim struggled into his pajamas, his movements jerky, his hands shook. Spock assisted him, gently helping him into the garments with little protest from his bond-mate.

"I'm sorry." A red blush crept up his face as the Vulcan finished buttoning his shirt.

"Do not apologize, I am not burdened."

They settled onto the bed and Jim rolled onto his side. Spock grasped the blankets, draping them over them before wrapping his arm around Jim's waist. He curled into him, his face burying into the softness of his hair as Jim sighed in content.

"I love you, Spock." Jim whispered.

"I love you, Jim. Sleep well."

He waited until Jim's breaths evened; his body relaxing in his arms before he too drifted off into a peaceful slumber that he had not experienced since the day his _T'hy'la_ had perished.

* * *

**A/N: Love writing tender moments. So glad I finally get to with this story now. More to come, thanks for reading and please review!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Spock entered the apartment to find Jim sitting in the chair in the living room, the tethered book in his hand was teetering from his loose grip, his face slack, eyes closed, glasses pushed down to the brim of his nose. Spock shed his coat, hanging it onto the hooks by the door before padding across the room to him. He brushed the grey strands from his face, leaning down to lightly kiss his temple.

Jim stirred, eye fluttering open, blearily blinking up at him before a small grin played on his face.

"When did you get in?"

"I had only just arrived." Spock said softly, "Forgive me. I did not intend to wake you."

Jim shook his head, closing the book and removing his spectacles, placing them onto the coffee table.

"It's quite all right, Spock. I needed to get up anyway." He let out a breathy laugh, "I find myself asleep more often than not, just another indication that I'm not thirty-four anymore." He grasped the arm rests, shaking as he pushed himself up, his bones popping loudly. Spock reached out to aid him but he waved him away. "I can get up, Spock."

"Jim, your physical limitations have changed drastically. You must understand that certain maneuvers may be difficult for you."

He chuckled softly.

"Is that your way of saying you're worried?" He stiffly rose with a grunt, more pops rung out as he attempted to stretch.

"If that is what you presume." He said, his arms folding behind his back, eyebrows lifting in mild amusement.

Jim smirked at him.

"I know you better than that, Spock."

"Indeed." Spock's lips twitched into a small smile.

His hand reached out to caress Spock's cheek but drew back quickly at the touch.

"You're cold." His eyebrows furrowed.

"It is snowing and I was ill prepared for the weather."

Jim sighed as he closed the small distance between them, pulling Spock into an embrace. Jim's body was warm against him; he could feel his heart beating against his chest. The scent of sandalwood and something simply _Jim _filled his senses as he relaxed into him, stroking his back gingerly.

A chime rung through the apartment and startled Jim, his body jerked in the Vulcan's arms. They pulled away from each other to look towards the door.

"Well, there are only a few people that could be." Jim mumbled as Spock strode away from him. He released the door and was taken aback slightly.

The young Vulcan stood rigid, his arms clasped behind him. An elder Vulcan stood beside him, dark eyes scanning him.

"Forgive us for the intrusion. We have come to discuss a critical subject. Is this an opportune time?" His young counterpart raised an eyebrow questionably.

Spock nodded curtly, "Please enter." He gestured with his hand and they strode smoothly inside. "May I take your coats?"

"That will not be necessary." The elder Vulcan spoke and his younger counterpart nodded in agreement.

"Indeed, please take a seat." He motioned toward the living room where Jim stood, looking at them warily.

_Should I leave?_ Jim's voice echoed inside his mind.

_I believe this matter may include you, T'hy'la. Unless deemed otherwise, I assume you are safe to stay. _

They strode back to the living room, the two guests sat on the couch, their backs straight and hands folded neatly in front of them. Spock and Jim descended upon the adjacent couch, Spock mirrored their posture and watched as Jim hunched forward, eyeing them curiously.

"To what do we owe the pleasure?" Spock said, feeling the weight of the elder's stare upon him.

"Vulcans have been residing on Earth for three-point-six months since the destruction of Vulcan. In due time, we have discovered a planet similar to that of our home world and have concluded a decision to resettle." The young Vulcan said softly, his face was stoic, but a fire was burning beneath his dark eyes. "We have come to offer residence and request your knowledge to assist in the reestablishment of our race."

Spock's eyebrow arched questionably.

"My presence would not be deemed suspicious?" He asked, "And I assume I would be required to obtain an alias?"

"You will only appear before the council. You may live your life at your leisure. An alias will not be required." The elder Vulcan said flatly.

Spock nodded, his hands knitting together.

"I see. Has the resettlement commenced?"

"Affirmative." The young Vulcan chimed in, "Your residence has been established. Your immediate wisdom is essential."

There was a silent pause in the room that caused Jim to shift uncomfortably. Jim had never preferred silence.

"Is the planet suitable for human life?"

Jim glanced away from the guests to Spock, his eyebrows hiked up his face curiously.

_You won't go if I can't survive there?_

_I will not leave you, Jim. If necessary, I can assist from afar. _

"Temperatures match that of Vulcan, however, the rays may be harmful to a Human's corneas and skin. It may cause blindness and burns while exposed for a reduced amount of time than that of our home world." The elder Vulcan said mildly, "Your Human…_companion_ would need to heed his wellbeing if he chooses to reside among us." His eyes rested heavily on Jim.

_Do you understand, T'hy'la? You will be unable to travel often._

_Spock, I'm hardly able to travel now. _

_You will be away from your home._

_My home is with you. _

_Jim, you are positive?_

"We accept." Jim stated, a small grin growing on his face. The elder Vulcan eyes widened marginally for a moment. The young Vulcan cocked his head to the side, an emotion flickering across his face at Jim's smile before fading quickly.

"Fascinating." The elder Vulcan arched an eyebrow, "Do the instances of your _companion_ speaking on your behalf occur often?"

Spock's mouth twitched at the sides, attempting to hide the amused smile.

"I harbor no doubts in his decisions."

The elder Vulcan's eyes widened again momentarily before his face deadened, "Indeed?"

His younger counterpart's mouth twitched at the side. Knowing how the younger Jim was, Spock was sure that the young Vulcan understood. Jim's decisions were illogical, but they were strangely justifiable, even if at first they seemed preposterous.

"We shall prepare to leave in three days."

"That is adequate." The elder Vulcan stated, nodding curtly.

They rose elegantly to their feet, Jim struggled to stand and Spock caught his elbow to steady him. They strode to the door, the guest turned to face them, raising their hands in the _Ta'al._ Spock and Jim mirrored them.

"Live long and prosper." The young Vulcan stated.

"Peace and long life." Spock nodded.

The door swished open and they retreated without a word. The apartment filled with silence until Jim made a disgruntled noise.

"He's just as disapproving as I remember. Is it going to take an eternity for him to warm back up to me again?" He glanced over to Spock.

"I am unsure." Spock smiled, "If my memory is accurate, my father fully accepted you once I was revived."

Jim let out a breathy laugh.

"I think that was the first time we were on the same page. We were both worried for you. We thought we were going to lose you."

Spock felt a pang of pain through the bond, he felt a deep sorrow from Jim and he reached out for him. He lightly kissed Jim's lips, hearing him sigh into the kiss, his hand entwining in Spock's. Spock gingerly ran his thumb along the backside of Jim's hand as they broke from the kiss.

"You will not lose me, Jim."

Jim smiled.

"I know."

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**A/N: Thanks for reading, please review!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I apologize if this feels a bit fast. I rarely do day by day stories. Also it will only be a few more chapters until this fic is finished. Thank you for all your support, enjoy!**

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**Chapter 12**

"Welcome aboard." Young Jim's face beamed as they rematerialized onto the transportation pads. He stood closely beside the young Vulcan who raised his hand to form the _Ta'al_. Spock and Sarek raised their hands in the same gesture as Jim stood beside them, shifting uncomfortably.

_I'm never going to get used to this._ Jim's voice echoed in Spock's mind.

Jim's distress surged through the bond and Spock replied with a wave of comfort. He understood the difficulty it was for Jim. Being aboard the ship was comforting, but the fact that it was not _his_ pained him. He watched as Jim stepped toward the edge of the pad, his movements were rigid; his back had become slightly hunched. At the first step he had lost his balance, suddenly careening forward and as Spock reached to grab him, he was shocked by his younger counterpart's speed who reached Jim before he could.

The young Vulcan held onto Jim, his eyes widened, a small flush of green tinting his cheeks at the realization of his actions. His emotions quickly receded, helping Jim silently regain his equilibrium before stepping away. Young Jim stared the young Vulcan, an emotion swimming in his eyes that Spock recognized. He had seen the same expression written on his own Jim's face before their feelings were made aware. Perhaps Jim's advice was justifiable.

"Are you well?" The young Vulcan asked, unable to cover the concern underlining his professional tone.

Jim chuckled, "Just a bit disoriented, nothing to worry about." He reassured him before glancing back to Spock, a flicker of a thought passing through his eyes.

_It appears some things stay constant no matter the universe. _Jim's thoughts were coated with mirth.

_Indeed. _

"Maybe you should see Bones." Young Jim chimed in, "He said he'd be meaning to check you over anyway."

"I'm fine." Jim waved him off, "Don't worry about me, I know my way around. Go on, the both of you, you have a ship to take care of." He flashed them a smile that caused the two young counterparts to jerk slightly and nod silently in response.

Young Spock turned to Sarek who stood quietly observing. "Father, should I escort you to your cabin?"

"I must decline. I wish to converse with my fellow elder alone for a brief moment." His voice was firm, but Spock could hear a small amount of animosity underlining his tone.

The young Vulcan froze, glancing between Sarek and Spock, questions stirring inside his dark eyes before replying, "Very well." He glanced to Spock, inclining his head, "You may use the meeting room down the corridor if you wish."

"That would be sufficient." Spock said mildly. He felt uneasiness wash over him. He had an estranged relationship with his father and was unsure of the relationship this young counterpart shared with his. The possibilities of what Sarek wanted to discuss with him were endless and he worried that he may slip valuable information that shouldn't be exposed.

Jim glanced curiously up to him.

"I'll be around." He said, a grin spreading across his face.

"Understood."

_Do not wander far, T'hy'la._

A surge of adoration and love seeped through the bond as Jim's grin widened.

_You worry too much._

The young counterparts strode silently from the transporter room and Jim trailed behind them at a slower rate. Once there was a comfortable distance set, Spock motioned for Sarek to follow. He nodded and they walked from the room into the hall, leisurely maneuvering their way until they reached the meeting room, finding it comfortably empty.

Spock turned to face him, his hands clasping behind his back. He felt a twinge of nervousness, feeling the same whenever he had discussions with his own father. He acknowledged that he needed to fight against the emotion if he planned to work alongside him.

"Spock informed me that you are of a different time. He would not reveal your name." Sarek's eyes narrowed.

"Are you inquiring it or have you reached a conclusion?" Spock felt his normal defensive nature rising inside him from years of his father's disapproval.

Sarek nodded.

"It was not long before I surmised you are my son." He stated flatly, "However, I am…intrigued with your current situation and wish to delve into the subject further if you are comfortable."

Spock's eyebrow arched.

"I must advise you that I cannot reveal certain information."

"That is understandable." Sarek folded his hands in front of him, "May I inquire about your Human _companion_?" His voice emphasized on the word.

"You may." Spock's uneasiness clenched his stomach; the memory of informing his father of their bond had not gone well. Being the only heir of the first house, he had many obligations, none in which he was able to fulfill with a Human bond-mate. His father, though he respected Jim because of his Captaincy, was not fond of him otherwise until Jim had sacrificed his career and lost his child to save his _Katra, _his life.

"He is Captain James T. Kirk?"

"He is." Spock said flatly.

"I see. And you are…close?" Sarek's eyebrow arched at the last word, scrutinizing Spock's face for a reaction.

"We are."

Sarek nodded, an acknowledgement shining in his eyes.

"Forgive me. I do not see the logic in your choice."

Spock felt a small pang in his heart. The words were eerily similar to his father's when he had announced his bond with Jim.

"There was logic in _your_ choice?" Spock's words came out icily.

Sarek's eyebrows rose slightly.

"No. There was not. However, Spock has an obligation to his race, our numbers are dwindling. In my circumstance I was able to produce an heir. If he chooses to conform to the circumstance in which you lead, it will be deemed reckless, a betrayal." Something dark spilled into Sarek's eyes.

Spock's head tilted down, a small sigh escaping him.

"The situation between them is still undetermined. If he should be fated as I have, be wary of your actions. And refrain from your mistrust in James Kirk. His intentions, though questionable at times, are aimed for a greater good." Spock felt anger stir inside him, he didn't wish for his younger counterpart to be swayed from his fated path and he wished to keep him safe from the agony he had endured with the same decision. "Have I concluded your inquires?"

"Yes, your answers were satisfactory." Sarek stared at him with an impassive stare.

Spock raised his hand into a _Ta'al_, his words sounding colder than he anticipated as he spoke, "Live long and prosper."

Sarek raised his hand, mirroring him, "Peace and long life."

Spock retreated from the room, his head reeling. He took long strides down the corridor, his mind focused completely on the conversation he just had that he didn't notice Jim standing there as he rounded a corner. He jerked slightly in surprise and Jim flashed him a sympathetic smile.

"Didn't go well?" He asked softly.

"Jim, I assumed you were exploring the ship?"

Jim approached him, two fingers extended and Spock immediately replied to the gesture, brushing his fingers over Jim's, a tingle ran up his arm, the bond igniting in a wave of love, Jim's love. A long breath released from him, the tension in his body ebbed as his lips curled into a small smile.

"You forget sometimes I can feel your distress." Jim's hand reached up, gently tracing over Spock's jawline before pulling away. "From the emotions I was receiving, I could only guess who it was about."

"I have never cared for you to be depicted in any negative form." He felt the small anger stir inside him again, Jim had faced many trials against his character. Spock no longer wanted Jim to be victim to that, in any universe.

"Spock." Jim breathed his name softly that sent chills up his spin. The way Jim spoke his name in the manner always affected him, his heartbeat quickened, his stomach curled in knots. He loved how Jim could elicit such a physical response from him with only one word. It was a soft endearment, and it had taken him years to realize why Jim would say it in such a way. Jim reached out, gripping Spock's wrist lightly. "C'mon, I want to show you something."

His eyebrow arched, curious. He allowed Jim to lead him at an extremely slow pace, through the ship until they reached the observation deck. The vastness of space stretched out before them as the doors hissed closed behind them. The room was empty and Spock deduced the crews were too busy accommodating the Vulcans aboard to be allowed downtime. He recalled the chaos when they were transporting the elite delegates to _Babel_, including his father. Jim had barely slept between the delegate's disputes and the Klingon vessel that was trailing behind them. Jim had been on his way for some much needed rest when he was attacked by an Andorian, or so they had thought. He was torn between the fear of Jim's injury and his father's impending death.

"Do you remember what I said to you that night in this room?" Jim's voice was barely a whisper as they marveled at the stars before them. "The night I confessed to you?"

"I believe you referred to me as 'beautiful', though I found it illogical when you were attracted to many aesthetically pleasing women. To have viewed me in such a manner confused me."

Jim's hand entwined with his and gently pulled Spock to him until their eyes connected.

"I hadn't meant it for just your appearance, Spock." A smile spread across his face, reaching up to his eyes, a light shining in them that wasn't caused by their surroundings.

His eyebrow arched again as he returned the smile.

"I see." Spock's hand reached up to caress Jim's cheek. "You were nervous when you referred to me as such. I recall you fidgeting with your uniform before whispering your affection for me."

Jim chuckled softly.

"I didn't want to scare you away."

"Vulcans do not feel fear." He said mildly.

"You're still going to stick to that?" Jim's voice oozed amusement. "I can recall a certain Vulcan frantically trying to reach me when we were in the caverns on _Janus VI_ after the walls collapsed on me and when I informed you that the Horta was ten feet away. A creature you were determined to keep alive but then changed your mind and wanted me to kill it before it killed me. Now, you can't tell me you didn't feel the slightest amount of fear?"

His eyebrows raised, the smile widening on his face, "I was merely…concerned for my Captain's wellbeing."

Jim laughed, his head rising upwards, lips caressing his before applying more pressure. Spock's arm snaked around Jim, pulling him closer to him. The bond thrived with the contact and he felt Jim's joy and how it had touched him deeply to know Spock was afraid, afraid to lose him. That he meant a great deal to someone, especially him.

"_T'hy'la_." Spock whispered against Jim's lips. "You are mistaken."

"Mistaken about what?" Jim chuckled softly.

"You are the beautiful one."

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**A/N: Oh Spock, you romantic you. I apologize for any mistakes, I had an exhausting day but really wanted to post this chapter! Thanks for reading and please review!**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: STID spoilers (and of course I did change a little of it). For those who don't know, there is a sort of sequel to this story, my other fic called "You Called Me Beautiful". They both tie into each other if you are interested in reading it!**

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**Chapter 13**

Jim's head was bobbing slightly as he fought against his body which demanded sleep. He sat in the chair of the home they lived in for more than a Terran year on New Vulcan. The home was quaint, spacious enough for the two of them to be comfortable, and a safe distance from the newly formed settlement. In the course of the year, Jim's body had started to deteriorate; gaining the proper symptoms of his physical age and Spock found himself aiding him more with the simplest of tasks.

He recalled the conversation with McCoy after Jim had regained his memory.

"_Spock, even though we've slowed his body's process, he's still aging faster than a normal Human would. You need to understand that he's pushing eighty at this point. From how it looks, he may only have a few years left..." McCoy said solemnly. _

_Spock sighed._

"_I understand, Doctor."_

"_Will you be able to care for him? His physical state will deteriorate over time. He'll become completely dependent on you." _

"_I am prepared."_

_McCoy sighed; hesitantly placing his hand against Spock's arm, a familiar gesture that his McCoy would do when he felt concerned for the Vulcan._

"_Spock, you need to think about this. If he's anything like the Jim I know, it'll be difficult to watch him become so… helpless." McCoy's arm squeezed the Vulcan's arm gently. "Just…you have to understand that he'll be gradually dying in front of you, and there will be nothing you can do."_

Spock knew McCoy's words had merit to them as he recalled the event with his brother, Sybock who had delved into his most pained memory. McCoy's father was dying slowly, painfully from a disease that had no cure. McCoy was helpless, even his career could not save the dying man's life. Now, he began to comprehend the doctor's warning as he watched Jim. Jim's body had formed a natural tremble to it, his back was hunched, his legs were weak and often required help to roam from room to room. When Spock had been summoned before the council in one particular incident, Jim had attempted to climb the stairs to the bedroom and had fallen. Spock had found him at the foot of the steps, his wrist broken, and dark bruises covering his backside.

As he watched Jim's frail state, he couldn't help but recall the strong man he once had been. Though illogical, Spock found his heart would break with each incident of his Human frailty. It was almost too much for him to bear. But he would never abandon Jim, he couldn't fathom the thought.

A loud chirp rung out from the computer at the desk, and Spock placed a blanket over Jim as he drifted off to sleep before approaching the desk. He briskly sat, allowing the transmission through and was startled to see a deep concern on the young Vulcan's face.

"Mr. Spock." He nodded to him.

"Mr. Spock." The young Vulcan replied.

"How may I be of assistance?" Spock asked curiously.

The young Vulcan paused for a moment.

"Have you ever encountered a being known as Khan during your travels?"

Spock's heart rate peaked for second before he calmed himself. He could not expose too much information about their encounters with the superhuman. Though, he did not wish their counterparts to endure what Jim and he had. He breathed out slowly, steadying his thoughts.

"Yes…I have." He said tentatively, anticipating the young Vulcan's next question.

"I must inquire; were you able to defeat him?"

Spock's eyebrow arched at the desperate tone to his young counterparts voice. Though he knew the danger Khan represented, it seemed odd that it was his younger counterpart reaching out for him instead of the young Jim. Then it occurred to Spock that the reason, as he could only assume was that Jim was in danger. It would also explain the concern and worry that shone brightly in the young Vulcan's eyes.

"I am unable to reveal certain information as you are aware."

"I understand." His younger counterpart's shoulder slumped slightly. He recognized the motion, officially acknowledging that young Jim was indeed in danger and his need to protect Jim, any Jim, overruled his cautious nature.

"However, with that being said." He sighed, "We were successful in defeating him but at a great cost."

A fire blazed to life within the young Vulcan's eyes, his fists clenched, focused intently on Spock.

"How?"

Spock was careful not to reveal their way of defeating him but offered helpful suggestions for their scenario. After cutting the transmission, he felt uneasy, worried. He was unsure how the young counterparts would succeed and he feared that history would repeat itself.

"They'll figure it out." Jim's voice startled him slightly.

Spock turned to Jim, who was staring somewhere, eyes unfocused.

"Indeed. I have the utmost faith in them."

Spock rose from the desk, padding across the room to rejoin his mate. Jim didn't glance up, he was lost in a distant memory and it worried Spock to see him so forlorn. He fluently sat, sidling up to Jim, his hand caressing his back. Jim stiffened under his touch for a moment, before the muscles began to relax. There were shadows of a suppressed sorrow upon his face, the wrinkles creasing further, his jaw clenched tightly.

"_T'hy'la_," Spock soothed, "I am here. Do not allow the shadows of the past to haunt you, you are safe."

Jim nodded solemnly.

"I'm sorry, Spock. I'm…worried for them." He said softly.

* * *

Weeks passed and they received no update from their counterparts and Jim's restlessness with the situation began to unsettle him. Jim's focus was elsewhere, he hardly ate, and his nights were plagued with nightmares.

The night draped over the house and the once peaceful silence suddenly filled with desperate pleas and labored breathing. Jim thrashed around, his body shook violently, a whimpered "no" escaping his lips. Spock's arms wrapped around him, holding him close, and kissed his forehead softly.

"_T'hy'la_, Jim, you must wake." He said firmly, reaching through the bond, willing him to consciousness.

Jim's eyes shot open, his body jerked as he inhaled a shaky breath. There were beads of sweat forming at his brow that dripped down his face slowly. His eyes darted around before focusing on Spock, tears glittering in his honey eyes.

"Spock." He breathed.

Spock's hand traced over Jim's and the Human's mouth opened to say something when a chime rung through the home, causing them both to freeze. A look of confusion on Jim's face replaced the fear.

"Who could that be at this hour?"

"I am unsure, Jim."

Spock slid from the bed, hurrying down the stairs to the door, demanding the computer to turn up the lights along the way. He couldn't hide the surprise on his face as the door opened to reveal a young man, shaking, eyes wide, tears streaming down his reddening face.

"Jim?" Spock asked softly.

"I-I'm sorry for…intruding." His voice came out gurgled.

"There is no need for an apology, you are always welcome."

The young Jim nodded curtly before flinging himself at the Vulcan. Spock was momentarily surprised by his sudden action that he took a half step backward, an arm instinctively wrapping protectively around him. The young Jim clutched his sleep robes, burying his face into his chest. He started sobbing, speaking frantically into Spock's body and Spock was unsure of what the young man was saying.

"Jim." He said gently, easing him back from him, Jim's hands still clutching his robes. "Be calm. Be still." His hand brushed the young man's face gingerly, staring into the bright blue hues of his eyes. His eyebrow raised, something was…different about him. It was an illogical feeling, but a part of him noticed the change. "Come inside." He said, guiding him through the door and into the sitting room.

The young man was hyperventilating; he could barely walk as his knees shook. He wobbled toward the sitting room but refused to sit. The stubborn pride still held strong.

"Jim. What is troubling you? How did you arrive—?"

"Spock!" He nearly shouted at him, more tears falling from him. "I died, Spock! I-I…you were there, well you know, the other you—and I was dying! Khan…he and I told him…I don't…I can't sleep...I—"

"Jim!" Spock grasped his arms, "Calm. You are making little sense. You must calm yourself."

But Jim couldn't comprehend his words; he continued babbling in a frantic state.

"Nightmares! I…he's with her…anxiety attacks…the ship—"

Spock's fingers found the young Jim's psi points, quickly connecting their minds in a shallow meld, he issued a wave of calm and comfort until the shaking form in his grasp stilled, the shallow breathing evened, and his face dropped in relaxation. The young man's knees gave way and Spock quickly caught him, easing him down onto the couch, holding his arm until Jim regained his mental equilibrium. He took a shaky breath to steady himself before meeting Spock's eyes.

"Jim, are you all right?"

"I…I don't know." He whispered, his eyes rimmed red, dark marks below them that caused the blue to stand out in a captivated light.

Spock waited patiently; he knew not to press Jim until he was ready. The young man took the temporary silence to compose himself before he spoke again.

"Spock…I died."

"You have stated that, though I am…confused as you are still here?" His eyebrow arched.

Jim nodded.

"It's a…long story."

"I will not be burdened if you wish to discuss the matter." He placed a supportive hand on young man's shoulder.

The young Jim sighed heavily before explaining to Spock the events that had taken place with Khan. The Vulcan was intrigued with the similarities and the differences of the event, and shocked to find that it was Jim who entered the chamber instead of his younger counterpart. His eyebrow arched continuously at the story and the fascinating way that Jim had been revived.

"Spock…well your younger self has been attached at my side since I confessed about my feelings for him before I…" he trailed off. "Truthfully, I'm not sure how I escaped his grasp long enough to get on a transport shuttle to make it here. And who am I kidding? He's just doing his duty. He's with Uhura…" He glanced away from Spock, eyes unfocused as his Jim's had been for weeks.

Spock scrutinized the young man's face, understanding full well that he was confessing the feelings his Jim had noticed. Noting to tell his Jim that his younger counterpart followed his advice, however, it was Spock's younger counterpart he was unsure of. Spock had no doubt that the young Vulcan was in a state of shock after witnessing the death of his captain and friend. Though, the timing of his withdrawal was incredibly misfortunate as Jim associated his silence about the subject as a rejection.

"Jim." He began. "I…grieve for your pain, and I am pleased with your success. However, I must inquire the reason to your presence here tonight?"

The young Jim let out a frustrated huff.

"I…I need this to go away. I can't think, I can't sleep, can't eat. They're talking about taking the _Enterprise _from me. Claiming I'm mentally unfit with my anxiety attacks. I could risk the safety of the crew as a compromised Captain…in more ways than one." Jim's voice whispered the last part and Spock feigned ignorance to who he was referencing.

"I'm afraid I do not understand?"

Young Jim turned bright blue orbs toward him, the usual easy-going demeanor Spock had grown accustomed to, now replaced with a hard set face.

"Will you…will you hide these memories?"

Spock sighed.

"Jim. Do you understand what you are asking of me? Your experiences are what define you."

"I don't want to completely forget!" Jim exclaimed. "I just…don't want to remember all of it, I want a vague memory. Where I'm aware that it happened but it won't plague me and affect my command…or my…friendship."

"Jim—"

"Spock, _please_." Fear welled in the young man's eyes. "I can't lose the ship. I can't lose my command. And I especially can't lose…" His eyes darted away, a shine appearing low by his eyelashes.

After several silent moments, Spock reluctantly accepted. As he melded with the young version of his _T'hy'la_, he put a small trigger on the locked memories. They would be hidden, forgotten, but still accessible. It would take his younger counterpart to return his affection for it to be unlocked. It would still remain there unbeknownst to Jim until the timing was more adequate.

When another chime rang through the home, Spock was not at all surprised to find the young Vulcan at his doorstep. His face deadpanned, but his eyes alive with fear, worry.

"He is resting." Spock said to the young Vulcan who nodded.

"I will retrieve him. The Federation requires him to return to medical care, he was not yet released." The young Vulcan said flatly, stepping inside and approaching the now slumbering form on the couch. He lifted him into his arms with ease, the young Human's head resting comfortably on his chest as the young Vulcan gazed down at him for a few moments longer than was necessary.

"Mr. Spock." Spock began and waited for the young Vulcan to glance up at him. "Opportunities live shelved lives; do not miss the chance to express your affections." A sudden wave of amusement and happiness leaked through his bond and he fought the smile twitching at the sides of his mouth. Jim had heard him using the same advice he had given the younger Jim. He was also sure Jim had heard what had transpired between Jim's younger counterpart and himself earlier as well.

The young Vulcan's eyebrow arched before nodding curtly.

"Understood." His voice was soft.

Spock led them to the door and watched as they departed before returning upstairs to his own Jim. Jim smirked at him; his arms crossed as he sat in bed, eyeing the Vulcan in mild amusement.

"What happened to no meddling with a universe that isn't ours?" Jim's voice fit with the look he was giving him.

Spock's lips twitched into a small smile.

"I was merely offering advice, nothing more."

Jim laughed whole-heartedly, the joy reaching up into his eyes and they glittered brightly.

"You sly dog."

"I do not believe I am a breed of the canine variety, Jim."

Jim laughed harder.

"Get over here." He patted the empty space beside him. "I'm not ready to be awake yet."

Spock obliged, settling back onto the bed as Jim wrapped his arms around him, nestling his face into the crook below Spock's chin. Spock could only hope that his younger counterpart would come to a sturdy conclusion so he would not miss this opportunity, this gift in the form of James T. Kirk.

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**A/N: Hurray for a long chapter! Still more to come, thanks for reading and please review!**


	14. Chapter 14 & Epilogue

**A/N: Last chapter and Epilogue. Get your Kleenex. This will be bittersweet. Prepare to be kicked in the feels. **

**The song in this chapter: Whenever You Remember by Carrie Underwood**

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**Chapter 14**

_**When you look back on times we had, I hope you smile.**_

_**And know that through the good and through the bad, I was on your side.**_

_**When nobody could hold us down, we claimed the brightest star.**_

_**And we came so far, and no they won't forget…**_

Spock cradled Jim to him in their bed, through the bond he could feel him weakening, fading quickly. He pressed his forehead to his, feeling the warmth of Jim's breath on his face. His hand gently cupped his cheek, stroking it gingerly with his thumb. Watching as vibrant amber eyes stared into his, a fear dwindling in their depths.

"Do not fear, _T'hy'la_. I am here." He whispered to him.

Jim's hand reached up to lay upon Spock's, the cool hand trembled against Spock's heated skin.

"Show me." Jim whispered. "I want to see what I mean to you."

_**Whenever you remember time's gone by. Remember how we held our heads so high?**_

_**When all this world was there for us? And we believed that we could touch the sky?**_

_**Whenever you remember, I'll be there. Remember how we reached that dream together?**_

_**Whenever you remember…**_

Spock's fingers moved slowly to the psi point on his face, they trembled; he could feel the barriers in his mind cracking, eroding away. Jim closed his eyes, waiting for the meld, waiting for the memories he longed to see once more. Spock stared at this man's face, taking in the details of his aged face, still so beautiful—still so remarkably _Jim_.

He closed his eyes as a familiar flash erupted, the meld connection beaming brightly. The warmth, colors, and sounds of Jim's mind wrapped themselves around him and he allowed them to fully embrace him for a moment, indulging in the comfort of it. He could feel Jim's love for him, its depth expanded beyond all thoughts; it couldn't be seen, only felt. The feeling caressed Spock gently, rushing through him like a warm current, filling him until he ached from the sensation.

"_Show me." _Jim's thought echoed through the bond.

He pulled the memory from his conscious, the first one he wanted Jim to see.

_Jim stood on the transporter pad; his arms wrapped around his separated half, the darker side of him slumped in his arms. Spock didn't show it, but he was terrified. This theory about rejoining the two halves could not work; it could hurt Jim more or possibly kill him. It had taken time, but a feeling had blossomed in him for this man and feared he would never be able to express it. He kept his eyes diverted, quickly turning from him to leave for the control panel. _

"_Spock."_

_His heart hammered at the sound, and he whirled around quickly. He wanted to scream his feelings. So desperate and terrified that this could be the last time he would hear his name spoken on Jim's lips. _

"_Yes, Captain?" It came out rushed, panic stricken. _

_The amber eyes softened, fear washing out the vibrant colors. Sadness brushed across his face, staring after Spock as though he didn't want him to leave. _

"_In case this doesn't work…" His words trail off. Something raw mixing in with the fear in his eyes, but Spock understands. It hits him hard, the pounding of his heart suddenly feeling strained, a pressure squeezing, constricting it. A rush of longing, an urge he never knew was so intense stirred inside, clenching his stomach in tight knots, his breaths becoming painful, knitting Jim's unspoken words together in his mind. _

In case this doesn't work…I want you to know I love you.

_He wanted to hear them out loud but couldn't find the words to speak. If Jim survived this, he would surely tell him. But for now, this was all Jim could do; give him the knowledge, knowing he himself would break if he spoke them. Tears stung at Spock's eyes, drinking in the image of the man whose life may be over before it could begin. The man that he achingly longed for, that he had found a feeling inside he did not acknowledge that existed within him. The man he loved. _

_He swallowed down the hard lump in his throat, fighting the tears. _

"_Understood…" His voice wavered. A small wave of relief crossed Jim's face, knowing that his message had rung clear. _

_When Jim had rematerialized onto the platform as a whole person, Spock's breath caught in his chest. Jim looked dazed, incoherent. Had he lost him? Then Jim smiled, it reached his eyes and they twinkled with a light all of their own. Spock felt a wave of relief, joy, happiness, and love course over him, slamming into him hard as he felt his lips twitch into a smile. _

"_This was before the night I confessed and you told me you loved me in return. We spent the night together in my quarters."_

"_Yes, T'hy'la. It was the day you completed me."_

The memory fell away as Spock was again wrapped in the swirls and thoughts of Jim, searching deep within his mind to pull forth another memory.

_**When you think back on all we've done, I hope you're proud.**_

_**When you look back and see how far we've come, it was our time to shine and nobody could hold us down.**_

_**They thought they'd see us fall, but we stood so tall and no, we won't forget…**_

Spock reached further, locating the memory that he needed, pulling it to the surface of their minds.

"_Spock!" Jim's voice strained. _

_His body reacted to the sound; he straightened himself, tugging at his uniform. Spock didn't want Jim to feel pain; he didn't want him to witness as his body was deteriorating from the radioactivity, stiffly walking toward the sound of the voice and bumping into cool glass. The image of his beloved was blurred, his body burning, every cell ablaze. He leaned into the glass; he had to know that Jim would be safe. _

"_Ship…out of danger?"_

"_Yes." His voice was coated with sorrow. _

I don't want you to be sad for me, T'hy'la. I needed to do this to save the ship, to save you. You mean everything and more and I couldn't bear the thought of losing you.

"_Don't grieve, Admiral. It was logical. The needs of the many outweigh..."_

"_The needs of the few." Jim continued. _

You are more important than I, Jim.

"_Or the one." _

_Suddenly he was sliding onto the floor, his strength abandoning him. _

"_Spock…" Jim's pain burned into him, he couldn't reach out to his beloved, couldn't soothe the pain away. _

_Separated by a thin sheet of glass. _

"_I am now and forever shall be…your friend." _

I will always be with you.

_His hand formed into a Ta'al, placing it against the glass. His vision darkening, but he could swear he felt the heat of Jim's hand pressing against the other side. _

I love you.

_Then he faded away, leaving behind glistening honey eyes silently calling his name._

"_I died that day, I loved you so much." Jim's voice whispered through the bond. _

"_As did I when you passed."_

The memory melted away as Spock sent waves of comfort to diminish Jim's agony at the memory, soothing him.

_**Whenever you remember time's gone by. Remember how we held our heads so high?**_

_**When all this world was there for us? And we believed that we could touch the sky?**_

_**Whenever you remember, I'll be there. Remember how we reached that dream together?**_

_**Whenever you remember…**_

Spock pulled a final memory for Jim, feeling his time growing short.

_A woman dressed in a blue gown sat with eyes of stone boring into Spock's. Her bronze hair swept back and hung down, her lips pursed, furrowing her brow in frustration. _

"_This moment, Doctor McCoy is examining the Captain for psychological changes. If any facts are uncovered, that would be acceptable evidence." Spock said. His arms folded behind his back. He did not trust this woman, a woman who seemed to want to hurt Jim. Trying to confuse the crew into thinking she holds Jim's essence within her body, it seemed highly illogical. However, something felt off, Jim had been acting….strange. _

_She stood, attempting to give him examples of their journey together, but they were logged and could easily be accessed, it was going to take more for her to convince him otherwise. He would protect Jim, no matter the cost. Janice turned away from him, taking a palpable moment then whirled around to face him, a fire of truth blazing in her eyes. _

"_You are closer to the Captain than anyone in the universe. You know his thoughts. What does your telepathic mind tell you now?"_

_He felt a peak of curiosity, her eyes held no fear, pleading with him to believe her. He cautiously approached her, fingers seeking out the meld points on her face. At first there was an unusual resistance, a barrier that he couldn't penetrate. He prodded it and smashed against it until it crumpled away, revealing a familiar light, colors and warmth. _

_An image appeared in the link, Spock and Jim entangled together in Jim's bed sheets, their skin glistening with sweat. Jim presses his forehead against Spock's, his breathing labored. Spock's hand ran through Jim's matted hair, causing a content sigh from his lips. _

"_T'hy'la." Spock whispered, placing a small kiss upon his brow. _

"_What?" Jim asked, his amber eyes darting up to him, half-lidded and flooded with euphoria. _

"_It is a Vulcan term that is difficult to translate. Friend, brother, lover, or "soul-mate" as you prefer. That is what you are to me."_

_A smile grew steadily across Jim's face. _

"_Why Spock, I didn't know you could be so romantic."_

_A small smile twitched at Spock's lips, his hand stroking against the stubble on Jim's face, placing a light kiss upon the human's lips. _

"_I will be everything you need me to be, T'hy'la."_

_Spock's eyes shot open, disconnecting the meld, stepping away from Janice to collect his thoughts. This was the moment he knew Jim was his "T'hy'la", this memory could not be replicated, he only used the term when they were alone. He turned to the woman, her eyes set on him. This was not Janice Lester, this was Jim. _

"_I believe you." _

The memory morphed back into the familiar swirls of Jim's mind again, but the light was beginning to fade.

"_I knew you'd figure it out." Jim's voice echoed, "I always had faith you'd save me when I was in danger."_

"_I would never abandon you, Jim."_

_**We claimed the brightest star, and we came so far.**_

_**You know that we showed them all, and no, they won't forget…**_

Spock felt Jim's mind sluggishly pulling forth a memory. He waited patiently, curious as to see what Jim desired him to remember. The memory flashed before him and he felt his heart clench, a lump formed in his throat.

_Jim was straightening his tie, frustrated._

"_Jim, do you believe this to be…necessary?"_

"_Yes, Spock. We're getting married today and we're going to do it the right way."_

_Spock's eyebrow arched._

"_We are technically already 'married'. We have bonded."_

_Jim laughed as he finally straightened the tie, tightening it snuggly at the base of Spock's neck._

"_Yes, according to Vulcan laws, that is true. But, not in Earth terms. Besides, if we don't, it will break my mother's heart." He grinned at the Vulcan. "You really don't want to face her wrath, do you?"_

"_Preferably not." The Vulcan stated, "My mother would feel disappointed as well, though she would not so freely admit it." _

"_Oh? How would you know then?" He beamed. _

"_She…has certain ways of delivering a message." Spock said mildly. _

_Jim chuckled softly._

"_I didn't know Vulcans could be afraid of their mothers."_

"_Vulcans do not feel fear." He said flatly._

_Jim smiled; it reached up into his eyes, twinkling with mirth. _

"_Of course not." He winked. _

_The ceremony was small, only a few selected individuals were present. It was against Starfleet regulations for the Captain and his First Officer to date, let alone marry unless separated on different ships. They feared that would be the outcome, so they limited their guest list to those they could trust the most. _

_Bones officiated, rolling his eyes teasingly as they spoke their vows. _

"_Alright you two, go on." Bones closed the book, smiling at them._

_Jim reached for Spock, a hand caressing the side of his face. As their lips connected the cheers died away, leaving them in a world that only belonged to them. They were together, married—one. And it would stay that way, no matter the cost. No matter what life threw at them._

Spock eased himself from the memory and out of the meld, tears streaming from his eyes as he looked down at the man he cherished for so long. The lights began to dim in his honey eyes, his eyelids drooping, a small smile on his face. He weakly wiped a tear from Spock's face.

_**Whenever you remember time's gone by. Remember how we held our heads so high?**_

_**When all this world was there for us? And we believed that we could touch the sky?**_

"I love you, Spock. Don't forget me." Jim whispered.

Spock clutched Jim's hand in his, his lip quivering as he bent toward him, kissing his lips softly.

"I could never forget you. I love you, _T'hy'la_." His voice cracked.

"I'll see you in the next life?" Jim's smile widened.

"Wherever you decide to lead, I will follow."

_**Whenever you remember, I'll be there. Remember how we reached that dream together?**_

_**Whenever you remember…**_

Jim's eyes slid shut, his face slackened, drawing a shaky breath before he stilled. Peaceful.

Spock closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against his. Another tear sliding down his cheek as the connection darkened, his mind painfully empty, the comforting hum of Jim's mind gone forever.

It was time.

He breathed in Jim's scent once more before he willed himself into a peaceful sleep, never to awake again.

_**Whenever you remember…**_

* * *

**Epilogue**

Two sets of footprints appeared in the freshly fallen snow. The Earth sky was tinted a dark grey, small flakes floating down from the heavens. They hiked the mountain, slipping occasionally. They wouldn't allow the conditions to deter them from their mission. Their breaths labored as they reached the peak, glancing out in awe at the frozen surroundings.

"Yosemite is beautiful." The young man said, scanning the view with mystical blue eyes.

"Yes." The Vulcan nodded, his eyes gazing out before they fell on the Human beside him. "A fitting location, their request was adequate."

The young man's face fell, pulling two small urns from the bag he carried, caressing their shiny surfaces.

"Are you all right, Jim?" The Vulcan asked, placing his hand gently on his back, rubbing in small soothing circles.

A small smile appeared on Jim's face.

"I'm going to miss them." He whispered.

He nodded.

"I…find myself grieved by their loss as well."

Jim's eyes connected with Spock's, a wet sheen appearing. Spock's arms wrapped around him, pulling him close, his hand continuing to rub the Human's back.

"They will not be forgotten, Jim. They live on through us."

Jim nodded against his chest before gently pulling away. Spock plucked an urn from Jim's hand and Jim smiled at him.

"Are you sure you want that one?" he asked.

"It would deem…the most appropriate choice." Spock said gently. "It is after all, remnants of the other form of me."

They eased themselves close to the edge of the mountain, removing the lids of the urns and taking one last look at each other before tossing the ashes over the side. The grey particles intermingled, blowing in different directions as a small wind picked up, spreading them across the beauty of the land, becoming one.

"Their relationship was illogical. At times, I struggle to understand it." Spock said softly, watching the ashes fade away.

A tear leaked from Jim's eyes as he smiled at the Vulcan.

"It's like climbing a mountain, Spock. Sometimes, you just have to do it simply because it's there."

_Fin_

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much to all my readers! I appreciate ALL the reviews, follows, and favorites!**

**The sort of sequel to this fanfiction is: You Called Me Beautiful.**

**Thank you again for reading and please don't forget to review!**


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